Discovering Jubliee

My Blog Has Officially Moved!!

2011-01-13T18:30:00.000-07:00

Finally, after a long wait, my blog has a new look and a new URL. Come check it out at www.discoveringjubilee.com

Discovering Jubilee is Moving! (and hopefully improving)

2010-12-14T20:07:00.000-07:00

So, next month, my blog will be moving to a new, improved site. In the meantime, I'm focusing on surviving the last month of pregnancy and will be taking a short blogging hiatus.
Stay tuned for the new site address in a few weeks!

The Last to Go.

2010-11-30T20:06:00.001-07:00

My last grandparent has died. My grandmother, my father's mother, passed away a little over a week ago, and the funeral and quick trip to Texas are over and done with. I have to admit, it feels really strange to realize that I am now grandparent-less. The two people that I thought would never get old, my dad's parents, have both succumbed to disease and the aging process.

I drove by my grandparents old house on their ranch the other night as I was leaving my aunt's house. It was cold and clear outside, with all the stars brightly shining in the open hill country sky. As I got out to open up the gate, I looked off to the house as I've done so many times in the past, half expecting to see a whisper of smoke rising from the chimney, the kitchen light on, and the very faint sound of a television, where my grandfather would most likely be dozing off to WWF and my grandmother would sit reading one of her beloved books before bedtime.

But this night only the porch light shone in the dark, and I was alone with my memories of watching my grandfather build on this house, my grandmother hanging clothes on the line, and a border collie named Tip lounging in the sunshine, waiting for goat herding time.

I left both of my grandparents' funerals crushed , having discovered that I didn't know them nearly as well as I had wished. My grandfather was a story teller and would often relate hilarious anecdotes and would offer glimpses into the good parts of his life, but he never let me see the hard times; he very seldom revealed his disappointments or any of the family secrets that have shaped others' lives. I learned many of these things later, and was hurt that I didn't hear them from the one who had experienced so much of them.

My grandmother was very reserved, carefully offering bits and pieces of herself when she felt safe to do so. I so wanted to know more, and I wish that in the ignorance and perhaps selfishness of my youth that I had had the insight to ask more of the right questions to be able see deeper into her soul and who she truly was as a person.

My Oma loved hummingbirds and cardinals...my cousin, one of my best friends, knew this, but I had been clueless about it. She had taught her future sister-in-law and a younger sister when a schoolteacher in a country school years ago before she was married. I had no idea. She exposed my aunts and uncle and father to great classical music such as Brahms, in their childhood....really?....Brahms was played in the 1950s and 60s in the the backwoods of the Dry Frio Canyon? And she loved Claire de lune by Debussy? And why hadn't I been more patient when she tried to teach me needlepoint when I was little?

I guess in the end I know a few true things about my grandparents. They were hard people, but in their hardness they still loved their children and grandchildren. My grandmother was tough and could beat anyone at arm wrestling, but she always made time to make "Julie's rice" when she knew I was coming to visit. My grandfather knew about working hard, but he also knew about sitting down to visit with friends over a glass of sweet tea and a piece of cake.

At the funeral of my grandmother, my father encouraged parents in his devotional to love the Lord and make sure they pass that love on to their children. I second that, but take the idea further. I say 'parents and grandparents, let your children and grandchildren know you. Not just the basics, but who you really are and what you are passionate about, because when they are young they won't know to ask the right questions, and when they are older, they will regret the time that they have lost and will never have again.'

Is Jesus Sitting on the Table?

2010-11-10T16:26:00.000-07:00

I am thoroughly enjoying the interactions I have with Xander as he is moving from concrete thinking to abstract. Well, mostly....when all the "whys" start that can be a little trying.

One thing he is really trying to grasp right now is understanding that Jesus is present even if he can't be seen. We'll be talking about Jesus and Xander will almost always ask where Jesus is. I tell him that he's in the room with us, he just can't be seen with our eyes.

Tonight Xander gave me a huge laugh. Xander was expressing his great desire for snow and kept asking me to make it snow. I tried to explain that Mommy is not in control of the weather, and it's Jesus' decision about when to make it snow.

Xander asked "Is Jesus sitting on the table?" I laughed and said, "Maybe!", all the while picturing a little Jesus Buddha perched in front of our dinner plates. Then Xander said, "No Mommy, I think Jesus is going potty." Which made me laugh all the harder.

Xander's questions just create more questions, and his potty question caused him to begin wondering if Jesus possessed certain anatomical parts that little boys have. These kinds of questions become really difficult to answer to a three year old's satisfaction...they just rabbit trail everywhere. However, I can just see Jesus chuckling over the funny thing that kids say and imagine when they begin trying to understand the concept of deity.

I love the childish questions and faith that comes with it all....instead of wondering about often pointless and dividing topics, like whether or not Jesus' atonement for us was substitutionary or imputed, all little ones are worried about is whether or not God might let it snow sometime soon. They trust that Jesus is in charge and leave it at that.

My little boys pondering things way bigger than them.

Our Little UPS Man

2010-11-08T06:55:00.000-07:00

Xan the UPS Man

So, Xander has been wanting a mailman outfit for
a some time, and while we couldn't find one locally,
we found this UPS outfit which made him very happy.

Yes, Xander really likes pink. Fortuantely, since Daddy won't buy him pink scooters and bikes, his girl friends come to the rescue and let him ride their stuff. :)

All ready to go to Savanna's birthday party!

Our Thankful Tree

2010-11-05T12:33:00.000-06:00

Thanks to a cute inspiring post on The Homeschool Village, Xander and I decided to make our own Thankful Tree.

The goal is for Mom, Dad, and Xander to come up with at least four things we are thankful for everyday until Thanksgiving and post them as leaves on the tree. Xander had fun working on his cutting and pasting skills while helping make the tree, and it stimulated a really good conversation about all the good things Jesus gives us and how we should remember to thank him for them. I especially loved it when Xander reminded me that Jesus made him just for me. (heart melting)

While we were putting our first thankful leaves on the tree, I couldn't help but think of a corny analogy. This time of year, as winter is coming and brings a sense of death with it, our Thankful Tree is growing leaves, and when all the trees outside are leafless in December, ours will be full of leaves. It made me think of how just learning to be thankful and maintaining a grateful attitdue is a discipline that brings life, even when other hard circumstances are present in life.

Pics of our finished tree to come at Thanksgiving!

Halloween Schmalloween

2010-10-29T12:41:00.002-06:00

Halloween has quickly become the most stressful holiday in my life. It used to be Christmas, trying to figure out what the heck to buy for everyone, or Thanksgiving, deciding which part of the country we were going to travel to that year. Halloween was a period that I could just ignore and pass by without much thought, except for the "I really hope nothing terrible happens on Halloween around the world this year!"

But no, not anymore....once the kids started coming so did all the questions about what I"m going to dress them up as, where we are going to go trick-or-treating, will we be giving out candy, etc. I'm forced to come up with intelligent answers now that don't come across judgemental by accident. Don't get me wrong, I love seeing little kids dress up in cute, harmless outfits....if that was all Halloween was I'd say let's have it every day of the year.

What I can't get away from is the dark side of Halloween. I think we could all agree that Christmas around the world is a peaceful, rather benign, holiday. People do good things for each other on that day. Not so with Halloween. I struggle with the notion that it's OK for people to try to scare the living crap out of each other, dress up as zombies, devils, witches, etc. I guess if one didn't believe in those kinds of things it wouldn't make much of a difference, but I think there's enough evil already in the world that even if those things didn't exist, we don't need to invent them just for entertainment sake.

This year I was prepared to completely ignore Halloween again and just explain to people when asked that I'm not comfortable with the premise of the holiday...that my kids are allowed to dress up any other time for fun. But this year, Xander's new preschool best friend is having a Halloween birthday party. Which put me into a quandary.....what to do? Should I let my Halloween rules slide or stick to my convictions?

In the end, I decided to let this one go. Xander is really too young to understand much of it anyway, and he just sees it as a fun time to hang out with his friends. And the costume he wanted to dress up in? A mailman's outfit! That's about as innocent as they come, so I gave in. We couldn't find a mailman outfit, but we did find a UPS costume that is super cute. (Pics to come later)

So, in the end, he's going to the birthday party, but I'm still going to abstain from the trick or treating part....I have a feeling this will be a topic that we will have to revisit every year as our boys grow up.

The Relevant 2010 Blogging Conference

2010-10-26T19:16:00.000-06:00

I just got back Sunday afternoon from the Relevant conference in Harrisburg, PA.

Let's just say I had no clue that people were this hard core about blogging....I was completely out of my element, but had a blast and learned alot. Even things like Twitter, which I initially thought couldn't have much value, has taken on a whole new meaning.

The first night at dinner I laughed because EVERYONE was on their phone, tweeting away or sending texts. In any other setting that would have seemed wildly inappropriate.

Besides making me completely aware of my technology ignorance ( I used to think I was pretty tech savvy), the whole weekend was a retreat, and I came away re-energized about my relationship with Jesus, marriage, motherhood, homeschooling,...basically everything in my life.

Relevant was definitely worth flying while pregnant, knowing no one at the conference....can't wait until next time. And in the mean time, I think I'll try to brush up on my Twitter skills.

Several Ways to Make Yourself Miserable

2010-10-14T06:39:00.000-06:00

I like this...funny, but so true.

Several Ways to Make Yourself Miserable
Author: Elisabeth Elliot
Count your troubles, name them one by one--at the breakfast table, if anybody will listen, or as soon as possible thereafter.

Worry every day about something. Don't let yourself get out of practice. It won't add a cubit to your stature but it might burn a few calories.

Pity yourself. If you do enough of this, nobody else will have to do it for you.

Devise clever but decent ways to serve God and mammon. After all, a man's gotta live.

Make it your business to find out what the Joneses are buying this year and where they're going. Try to do them at least one better even if you have to take out another loan to do it.

Stay away from absolutes. It's what's right for you that matters. Be your own person and don't allow yourself to get hung up on what others expect of you.

Make sure you get your rights. Never mind other people's. You have your life to live, they have theirs.

Don't fall into any compassion traps--the sort of situation where people can walk all over you. If you get too involved in other people's troubles, you may neglect your own.

Don't let Bible reading and prayer get in the way of what's really relevant--things like TV and newspapers.(We could add things like Facebook to this. :) ) Invisible things are eternal. You want to stick with the visible ones--they're where it's at now.

Pony Ride

2010-10-08T07:30:00.000-06:00

Xander riding a pony at Appleworks last weekend.

Pakistani Walk for Charity Information

2010-09-16T20:42:00.000-06:00

Charity Walk for Pakistan

Dear Friend,

A partner of Crescent Project has been asked by some local Pakistanis to help organize a charity walk in the Indianapolis area for flood victims in Pakistan. This is a great opportunity to show love toward a local Muslim community and to those in Pakistan who are experiencing a great tragedy.

Did you know that the UN has declared the current flooding in Pakistan as a greater disaster than the earthquake in Haiti, with 20 million people who have been injured or have lost their homes? Can you imagine the entire population of Indiana, Ohio and Kentucky displaced due to floods?

The walk will take place on Saturday, Sept. 25, at Lawrence W. Inlow Park in Carmel. (6310 E. Main St, Carmel, Indiana 46033.) Registration begins at 10:00, with the walk at 11:00. Following the walk, we will enjoy a lunch donated from various Asian restaurants in town. The event is kid-friendly, as the walk will be less than one mile.

A Pakistani Muslim friend asked, "Will Christians come? Do they really care about us?" Would you please help her to know that we do care by participating in this walk? If this walk is not in your neighborhood, would you please pray for its success, for healthy connections with the Pakistani community, and for the dear people in Pakistan who are suffering?

If you would like to register for the event, go to this link. The registration fee is $15 for adults and $10 for children, and all money raised will be used to assist flood victims.

If you have questions about the walk, please contact Alyssa at adunker130@gmail.com.

One last note: the Women's Outreach Team invites you to join us in prayer the first (7am - 8am, ET) and third (9am - 10am, ET) Tuesday of each month as we pray for Muslim women in our communities and around the world. For those in the Indianapolis area, please join us at the Crescent Project office for prayer. If you are unable to make it to our office, please pray from your homes, jobs, cars, wherever you happen to be.

If you have questions, please contact us.

Amy Laux

Women's Outreach Team Leader

Crescent Project

317.257.8870 ext. 240

www.crescentproject.org

Crescent Project
Statement of Purpose

Crescent Project exists to enable Christians to share the Hope with Muslims. We do this through a concerted prayer effort, practical training, dynamic outreach and biblical resources.

Give online to the ministry of Crescent Project. Crescent Project is a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization. We are governed by the members of our Board of Directors. Crescent Project is a member of the ECFA and is audited yearly by an independent CPA firm. Copies of our financial statements are available by request.

(A More Real) Love Story

2010-09-13T06:17:00.000-06:00

I found this on another blog (Women Living Well). Much more real life. :)

Xander is Such a Good Big Brother!

2010-09-12T17:18:00.000-06:00

10 Reasons Off the Top of My Head Why the Burning of the Qur'an Idea is the Epitome of Stupidity

2010-09-09T14:13:00.000-06:00

1. Terry Jones says that he is certain that if Jesus was here in person, he would burn the Qur'an. He was very peaceful at times, but also did very radical things. Hmmm...I don't recall anywhere in the Gospels where Jesus ran after Zoroastrians, the Romans, and other pagan worshippers bashing them whenever he had the chance. If anything, he was hardest on those who possessed the truth and made it hard for others to enter the Kingdom.

2. I wonder if Jones actually knows any Muslims, especially since he is spelling their holy book as the Koran instead of the Qur'an and keeps referring to them as Moslems.

3. Carrying weapons in church and for the burning? Wow, they must have completely missed the "Peter put away your sword" passage.

4. Why pick solely on Muslims? Muslims aren't the only religious group out there that have persecuted and killed Christians? Is he going to go after Hindus next?

5. Since when did being a follower of Jesus entail insulting others?

6. Burning the Qur'an is going to push Muslims away from having any interest in hearing about Jesus from Christians, and who could blame them? I certainly didn't decide to follow Jesus after being shamed and dishonored by Christians. I came because I was welcomed and accepted for where I was and who I was.

7. Not that I'm a super patriotic nationalist, but how irresponsible to do something that could potentially put alot of American lives in danger overseas, especially something stupid that really has no legitimate basis for being done.

8. If anyone claims to know God, but doesn't have love, then they don't know God at all.

9. Not every Muslim in the world got together and said, "Hey, let's bomb the World Trade Center." It was terrorist backed, so why insult the average person for something that was beyond their control?

10. Jones calls the Qur'an an evil book, from the devil. Whether or not there is truth in that, he has completely missed the mark in understanding Jesus' kingdom and methods for combatting evil in the world.

I know tons of people out there have commented extensively on this whole situation, but I'm furious enough with thi schurch that I felt the need to post my own thoughts, whether they get read or not. The best thing is, no matter what this guy and his church do, Jesus can take it and make good come out of it. And thankfully, there are many Christians out there who love Muslims dearly and work to bring them into relationship with Jesus through love, not hate, and will continue to love them even if they never come to Jesus.

Pleasing God

2010-09-07T19:38:00.000-06:00

I had a lightbulb moment last night as I was drifiting off to sleep. It surprises me how often I have those when I'm in the least coherent part of my day. In this moment, God brought to mind something that had never occurred to me before.

Like most people, I struggle with having to perfrom....perform for others as well as God. It's hard to conceive that God could be pleased with me without me presenting a scalp belt of souls, ministry endeavors, good deeds, and a myriad of other lists to him. I know in my head that he is enamored with me apart from what I do, but living that out on a daily, practical basis is really difficult.

However, God reminded me of the time before the beginning of Jesus' ministry (see Luke 3:21-22), when he went down to the Jordan to be baptized. Up to that point, he had done nothing big. No miracles, no crowd drawing....he had until that point just been faithful to his family, maturing, and living as a man of God.

Even though he had really done nothing major as of yet in the public eye, God publicly revealed that he was pleased with Jesus. So, God was pleased with Jesus simply because he had been faithful to where God had placed him, even in those first 30 years of relative obscurity, and he had focused on doing nothing more than loving and enjoying the Father.

Although this is probably another "duh" thought for alot of people, this is huge for me. It takes so much pressure off the need to perform and be able to point to actions. Jesus is to be our model, and if he aimed to please God simply by being in relationship with him and being faithful to him even when he was a nobody, than that is all each of us need to aspire to.

Meaning and Other Things

2010-08-31T12:56:00.000-06:00

I haven't blogged in quite a while...it seemed pretty low on the priority list with everything else that was going on in life.

And I'm tired. And being sick non stop for the past couple of weeks hasn't helped.

Speaking of which, I enjoy reading blogs from other moms, especially those who are tired and have too much to do as well, because it reminds me I'm not alone. I'm not the only one who feels like the majorty of my conversations are on a preschool level and most of the community has probably forgotten that I exist.

Recently I started reading Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl....although he wrote it around circumstances dealing with concentration camps and the Holocaust (which certainly do not describe my current situation in life) I think what he has to say might be somewhat relevant to frazzled stay at home moms living in relative obscurity.

It's All Mike's Fault

2010-07-27T14:06:00.000-06:00

We recently went on vacation to Vermont, and had a really wonderful, relaxing time. We had the boys with us and stayed at farm stays, which I'll post pictures of later. Since that trip, Mike has gotten very interested in small, sustaianable farming, cheesemaking, and all kinds of other random stuff related to rural living.

In his reading and listenting to podcasts, he came across a movie documentary that he rented last Friday night: Food, Inc. May I just say that this was not light, Friday night entertainment, and darn it, because of his delving into stuff, he opened up a whole can of worms that is now making us have to change our whole way of doing things.

After watching this film, I was rather depressed. Especially since we try to eat pretty healthy in our household. I pretty much buy from the edges of the supermarket and make everything from scratch, using low fat as much as possible, and occasionally orgnaic. Now? Now we're investigating buynig our chicken from Amish growers at Whole Foods, buying quarter cows from local farmers, buying as much of our summer produce from farmer's markets, and buying organic, range fed chicken eggs.

I already knew that alot of the products in the grocery stores contained corn syrup. In the past, I could only find ONE brand of spaghetti sauce that didn't contain it. But, I didn't realize exactly how many of the products I buy, which I presumed pretty healthy, contained this modified corn product. So, when buying peanut butter today (I hate peanut butter made from scratch with peanuts and water), I could only find one jarred brand that had real cane sugar and not the fake stuff.

Fast food will likely be off our menu from now on too, as much as possible. I feel guilty about buying mcnuggets for the kids from the corporation who helps drive the way the chicken production industry is run today.

I also have a little more sympathy for some obese American, epsecially those with low incomes. It's really sad that it's cheaper to buy a Big Mac than a pound or two of fresh vegetables. That just seems like a crime to me...that a family has to choose the drive-thru because you can feed a person a meal for cheap off the $1 menu, and only buy a bag of carrots for the same amount of money.

So, our food buying will be drastically changing, and our grocery bill going up a bit. Maybe a garden will be on the agenda next summer. And all this happened because Mike started nosing about. No more blissful ignorance.

Thyme to Die

2010-07-26T09:57:00.000-06:00

Xander melted my heart this morning. He tends to do that rather often.

I bought a little thyme plant a while back, and for some reason, it died on me. I'm sure it didn't have anything to do with me...it was probably a genetically defective plant.

Anyway, I finally took it off my windowsill this morning and put it in the trash. Xander, alarmed, asked why I was throwing my plant away.

I told him the plant died. His response? "Is it going to live with Jesus?"

Very cute, and I wasn't sure how to respond so I said yes. He's been learning about people going to live with Jesus when they die.

A little while later Xander came over and whispered in my ear: "Don't worry, Mommy. I talked to the little tree it is going to see Jesus soon."

How precious is that? And isn't it great how kids soak up anything you tell them about God, even when you don't know if they're paying attention? I can just see Jesus smiling right now.

Good English is a Dying Art Form

2010-07-19T17:35:00.000-06:00

Graham was sick on Sunday so the boys and I stayed home from church. We went downstairs to see if we could find a good church service on TV. It was actually a bit difficult, considering how many religion channels we get on our TV, but we settled on Jack Hayford. I have only heard of him and never listened to him preach before, and I have to say I was rather impressed.
The main reason I was impressed was his mastery of the English language. He used words that I've NEVER heard a preacher use, and he didn't do it to sound cool or pull out those ridiculous KJV words that no one uses in regular langauge anymore but toss out when trying to sound very learned, like propitiation. Hmmm, maybe I"m a little biased from past experiences. Either way, it was really refreshing to hear someone speak so well.
For example, he used the word "impugn." How many people use that on a regular basis? Or "infinitum?"

The sermon really got me to thinking about the terrible misfortune falling on the English language today. Most people butcher it daily, and in our efforts to abbreviate everything in to "textable talk" we have let so many great words slowly slip from our vocabulary.

Beyond that, we add in words and phrases that make no sense in the context we use them, or we make up our own grammar rules. It bugs me to no end that I say "like" all the time, expecting more from the word than it's intended use in similes and in sentences like "I like dogs." Darn it, I just did it again. And it all started in junior high when I just started saying "like" to make fun of everyone else who was already using it improperly. Paybacks stink, I guess.

One of my pet peeves is the misuse or misunderstanding of when to use words that are similar to each other. The whole "your, you're" and "they're, there, their" things makes me crazy when used incorrectly, "Regardless" vs. "irregardless" is also frustrating.

Oh well, irregardless of the way everyone talks these days, I'm sure its here to stay. U know ur defeated when people only talk 2 u in text language.

I wonder if other cultures share people who are equally annoyed at the loss of the proper usage of their languages?

Set Apart Christ as Lord...

2010-07-11T20:11:00.000-06:00

But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. 1 Peter 3:15

"What the Church needs is not people who only seek more information about Jesus, but people who desire to obey and fully walk with Jesus. " (paraphrased, Bill Briley).

Pain is made beautiful when it is pain suffered for and through Jesus. Pain caused by the world, pain in beating our body into submission, pain from letting Jesus transform you from the inside out...all made glorious and worth it all.

Smell the Mamba

2010-07-09T09:01:00.000-06:00

Last night as I was going to sleep, my mind drifted onto a story that one of my missions professors told in college. He had gone to a country in Africa to do a series of talks, and the village he was speaking in had cleared out a circular area for everyone to meet. The area was surrounded on all sides by really tall bush grass. My professor recalled that as he was speaking, suddenly he lost everyone's attention, and while much of the crowd became very quiet, several people were engaged in hushed whispering.
He stopped speaking to find out what was going on, and as he watched, a few villagers began to edge toward a certain part of the perimeter grass. They became very still and very quiet, and within just a moment, a mamba (a very poisonous snake indigenous to Africa) slithered out of the grass. Within a second, a villager whipped out a machete and lopped of it's head.

My professor was intrigued how the Africans knew that a snake was present, and how exactly they knew where in the grass it would emerge. They told him they could smell the snake.
As I was in the place between wakefulness and sleeping, I thought of the likenesses between this story and they way our Christian lives should be. The African villagers knew what normal smelled like, and they had trained themselves to know what mamba smelled liked. Then, when a mamba tried to sneak in, they knew immediately that something was wrong and they could pinpoint exactly where it was.
Shouldn't we be like that? We should stay so close to Jesus that we know what looks and smells like the ways of God, so that when something that isn't of God tries to silently invade our lives, we recognize it instantly and cut it out. If those villagers hadn't known what a mamba smelled like, people who were listening intently to the speaker could have been in real danger. The same is with us: if we don't deal harshly with sin and learn the ways that it tries to sneak in in our individual lives, we can unassumingly put ourselves in danger as well.
So, today join with me in seeking to pinpoint the roots and sources of sin in our individual lives, and smell the mamba before it strikes.

My Wonderful Xander Man

2010-07-07T08:19:00.000-06:00

I'm terrible at being pregnant. Just being honest. I am grumpy all the time it seems, and can be a real witch to my family on top of not feeling good the entire duration of it all. For small things, even when I have a right to be upset, I blow it all out of proportion and then feel terrible about it later.
Like last night....Xander was throwing his typical dinner time fits about not wanting to eat and commenting on the yuckiness of the food. This behavior is really getting old, especially when I can't get any food down him. At this rate, Graham is going to be three times his size in a year.
My insistence that he eat or not get down from the table escalated into me getting really angry after a while. largely due to him making a ginormous mess and just being downright stubborn. Instead of me just letting him sit there and also suffer the consequences of not getting to run errands with Daddy, I ranted, and then I yelled. Go Mom.

I went out for some "me" time at Barnes and Noble later, and as he always does, God showed me how awful I probably came across to Xander. Not a firm loving disciplining mom, but rather a scary, hormonal, crazy lady. I couldn't get home fast enough to wake up Xander and hug him and tell him what I moronic mom I am.

And as usual, my wonderful, sweet little boy woke up, threw his arms around me, and told me how much he loved me. When I told him how sorry I was for yelling at him, he just said "That's OK, Mommy," and hugged me even tighter.

What did I do to deserve a little boy like that?

4th of July

2010-07-05T15:03:00.000-06:00

This was a fairly uneventful but fun 4th. My cousin Jeana came up from Texas and we headed down south to Bloomington on Saturday to hop in the lake and cool off. Afterward we grilled hotdogs and ate watermelon, which the boys really enjoyed. The proof with Grahamy is in the picture.

Yesterday we stayed at home and watched fireworks from our back deck. For some idiotic reason, fireworks are allowed in the city limits in Greenwood, so we had stuff popping off around us everywhere. Our cul de sac neighbors all had a huge firework session in the middle of the street, and I finally had to go ask them to point their rockets elsewhere, as they were firing them right above our house, raining down on us with firework ash. Needless to say, during the week of the 4th every year, our kids are moved inside as soon as the sun goes down. Our neighbors think it's good judgment to let their kids hit golf balls and baseballs in our cul de sac on a regular basis, and the adults join in with potato launcher fun, so we don't really trust their fireworks safety policies.

Now, if the heat wave would just break and normal Indiana weather would come back.....

Being Content with What I Have and Where I Am

2010-05-26T07:31:00.000-06:00

While blog surfing this morning, I found a set of principles from a book by Linda Dillow called Calm My Anxious Heart: A Woman’s Guide to Finding Contentment.

:: Never allow yourself to complain about anything — not even the weather.
:: Never picture yourself in any other circumstance or someplace else.
:: Never compare your lot with another’s.
:: Never allow yourself to wish this or that had been otherwise.
:: Never dwell on tomorrow — remember that tomorrow is God’s, not ours

I think these are good principles to live by, but I'm really good at doing the opposite of each of these on a regular, and sometimes minute by minute basis. I'm a stellar complainer, I think I can beat out most people at it.

I know that by changing our beliefs and the way we think, we change the way we feel about things. Starting today, I'm going to make a concerted effort (through God's help, of course) to really try to minimize my complaining and not being content with the way things are, and perhaps by learning to not gripe all the time, I'll learn to be joyful in my circumstances, not because of my circumstances.

Men are Capable, and Children are Gifts

2010-05-20T14:27:00.001-06:00

Not long ago, I read Bringing Up Boys by James Dobson. In one chapter of the book, he commented on the decidely demeaning stance that our society has taken towards men and manhood. He referred to commercials and television shows that portrayed males as slightly above cavemen status or complete imbeciles that could not survive a day without a female in their lives to fix their mstakes and provide for them.

After this, I started paying quite a bit more attention to commercials and jokes about men. Dr. Dobson was quite right. Men in the West are slammed on a regular basis and made to look like idiots who aren't competent to do much more than drink beer and gawk at women. In contrast, those same commercials portrayed women who had it all together, who could multitask about 100 things at once, and picked up after their men's constant bumbles.

At the same time, I started paying more attention to birh control commercials. Several of them seem to make kids out as little demon children from hell, rather than gifts from God that are meant to be treasured. They are messy, loud, and not suitable in large numbers for adult company. Here, just put this contraceptive in for full proof surety that you won't have to "deal" with an "accident". The two children you have are already little monsters.

These two sets of commercials sure seem to clarify a trend in American and Western thinking. Feminmism took hold and then raced off to an extreme...women aren't just equal with men, they are better than men. Thank goodness women exist...they can work and run the households at the same time, and thank God for it, because if left to the devices of men, the world would just fall apart, and our kids wouldn't get fed and would be running around naked.

Children are good in small quantities, but God forbid anyone have more than two or three, because at that point they just become obnoxious. They are loud and messy, and stifle our ability to leave the house at any hour we please to do anything we please, as though we were still single and childless.

To all of this, I say, what a load of hooey! One our of culture's primary problems is that we emasculate our men in a variety of ways and go past not giving them any respect to outright disrespecting them. We treat grown men like little boys; maybe that's why they don't always step up to the plate. They never do the job well enough, and women are sure going to let them know it. In five years of marriage I've found that if I give my husband the benefit of the doubt and a little respect, he comes through with flying colors, even if he doesn't always do things quite the way I would.

God said that children are a reward from the Lord, but we don't seem to act like it. At least, not after they pass babyhood and start to exert a will of their own, not just lying there and snuggling with us all the time. I'm finding that usually the times my kids annoy me, it is because I've got my own selfish agenda going and don't want to be inconvienced or bothered, not because they're honestly doing something downright wrong. I've also found that God uses children to grow and mature their parents,and we usually start complaining the loudest when God hits a nerve in us, in an area that needs to be addressed.

I think we should get over ourselves. We women don't hold the world on it's axis, and children are well worth the time and effort, in small and large numbers.

Parenting with Grace

2010-05-08T18:26:00.000-06:00

Now that I'm a mom, the subject of parenting consumes the majority of my time. OK, that was a "duh" statement. But really, I'm always thinking about what I need to be doing, what areas I need to improve in, and how I can help my kids grow up secure, joyful, and in relationship with God.

Recently I started reading Grace-based Parenting by Tim Kimmel. I'm not even halfway done and I now consider this a must read for any parent, even those who aren't followers of Jesus. It has given me so much to think about, and has given me a few good swift kicks regarding areas of my mothering that I need to really work on.

One area that is really making me think is the idea that as followers of Jesus the goal is not to raise "safe" kids, but "strong" kids. Kimmel pointed out, rightfully so, that in the conservative evangelical world, parents often try to protect their kids from everything worldly or dangerous: they homeschool, they only hang out in Christian circles, they only send their kids on mission trips that can "guarantee" that nothing will happen to their kids, and ultimately they whittle life down into tight little formulas to try and ensure that their kids turn out right.

As Kimmel points out, this kind of conservative living doesn't always result in godly kids, and it certainly doesn't do much to save a lost and dying world. This kind of living, trying to protect our kids from everything that could steer them wrong or ever hurt them, stems out of fear based parenting. Kimmel asserts that grace based parenting comes out of a genuine faith that God is bigger than all the bad stuff out there, and we can choose to allow our children to engage the world without having to be paranoid that He won't successfully see them through.

This book has caused me to realize that I"m sliding towards fear based parenting without knowing it. I don't want anything bad to happen to my kids, but instead of trusting God and asking him to show me what my kids are and aren't ready for, I try to engineer my own protection mechanisms without his input.

I have thought for a long time that homeschooling is the way to go, at least up through junior high. What this book has shown me is that my decision was based more out of fear than other good reasons for homeschooling. I worry about not being able to shield my kids from negative influences, experiences, and people, rather than teaching them how to navigate those with God's help.

I think I'm learning now that instead of being overprotective, I need to shield the boys from things they're not ready for, and can't emotionally or mentally process well. In those cases, I think homeschooling at a young age would be very beneficial since public schools these days seem to present alot of stuff that little ones shouldn't have to process. But beyond that, I need to let the boys see the world as it is, and allow God to lead them through it in such a way that they are salt and light. If I overshadow my kids all the time, they will grow up to be weak, safe, and ultimately unsure of themselves and God.

Even so, it's still hard to think of anything bad ever happening to them.....

Everybody...read this book!

Reconsidering Iraq

2010-04-30T20:17:00.000-06:00

Recently, I have completely reconsidered my perspective on Iraq and the United States' involvement there. Honestly, I was never a huge fan of Bush, or his foreign policies (no, that does not automatically make me a huge fan of Democrats, nor a bad Christian simply because I am not always on board with every move by Republicans.) However, I'm starting to shift a little on my view that Bush and the US should have minded their own business and stuck with the war in Afghanistan, and leave Iraq alone.
A concern of mine is that we Americans don't always get fed the truth about everything that our government and military is involved in. While our country is full of some great people, it is just reality that it is also full of greedy and selfish people that will work circumstances for their own interests.
As of late, I'm getting a clearer picture of Iraq, straight from the horse's mouth. I'd rather hear an Iraqi tell me about what has been going on in the country than Americans who think they know exactly what is occurring.
Here are a few things that I'm learning about:
1. I know someone who was a high ranked official in the military during Sadaam's regime in the 80's and early 80's. I asked him if there really were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. He told me that of course there were, and he was just surprised that no one had found them. (He's wasn't a huge fan of Sadaam at all).
2. A friend of mine compared Sadaam to Hitler or Stalin. She described mass graves of people, that she had seen with her own eyes, where Sadaam had people loaded into dump trucks, dumped like stones into a pit, and set on fire. Remains were often found of women holding their babies to themselves as they perished. He even used biological warfare on his own people, and routinely took all the good food that came into the country for himself, leaving his people to scrounge for themselves to survive. And, it's no secret that he killed members of his own family.
3. Apparently, right before the war, Sadaam opened the prisons and freed all of the convicts in the country (my friend called them Ali Babbas, which was interesting). I was told this in response as to why US Marines talked to Iraqi civilians by pointing guns in their faces. It was because they couldn't trust anyone. The convicts were given free reign by Sadaam to do as they pleased.
4. A friend of mine's brother saw some of the remains of one of his murdered female teachers spread across the ground of his school campus. Some of his fellow classmates found her decapitated head perched on a school gate. She was a very popular teacher, but was killed for not wearing the hijab (headcovering) among other reasons.
5. And last, my friends confirmed something I always questioned...did terrorists from Al-Quaeda really find refuge in Iraq? Apparently Sadaam welcomed terrorists from all over and provided them training camps there.

So, all that said, after hearing all these things from actual Iraqis that I respect, I'm starting to reconsider my opinion on Iraq. Sadaam obviously was a very wicked person and needed to be ousted, and alot of Iraqis are super grateful to the Americans and saw Bush as their hero, at least until he pulled back and didn't finish the job (not my words, but theirs).

While I still don't agree wholeheartedly with American foreign policy, and I'm usually skeptical of something or other, I tentatively stand corrected about the Iraqi issue.

Healing in Turkey....in a Skype Seminar....

2010-04-28T13:10:00.000-06:00

Today I have a guest post from my best friend, Jemima, who recently made a trip to the Middle East and got to experience God do something really cool at a conference she attended.

I went to a conference a couple of weeks ago. While there I saw a woman named Rachel.* She didn't speak, though she would communicate by writing notes. She always had someone supporting her wherever she walked and people were always praying for her. I figured she was sick and that it was fairly recent, but didn't know details. She had been in one breakout group with me though I didn't feel it polite to ask her the details (aside from which she would have had to write them down--though maybe she had been asked so much she already had it transcribed, ready to hand the the next curious soul.)

During one of the workshops, where we were talking about how to host Skype prayer meetings, someone in the back pointed out to the speaker that he should pay attention to something happening in the middle of the room. I was sitting near the front and so I turned back to see three women, Rachel at the center, bawling. Not just tears, but all out sobbing.

I personally didn't think the workshop was that bad.

Then the whole story came out. About a month before the conference God had told Rachel he was going to use her voice in a new way. A week later she fell and hit her head. She lost the ability to speak and her ability to walk unsupported and some other fine motor skills. She felt like God was encouraging her to come to the conference, though many suggested she stay home instead of come so she could recuperate. Several people had prayed for her at the conference, but she had not felt any better physically. While in the workshop someone leaned over and asked her and the people sitting next to her if they did Skype prayer meetings. Without thinking Rachel responded, "No our internet connection isn't fast enough."

And promptly burst into tears.

We continued with the workshop, she and her friends continued to cry. During the next workshop, she came up and told us the backstory of the healing process and prayed for us. The rest of that day and for the rest of the conference she was able to walk on her own, completely healed.

Healing never ceases to amaze me. I have witnessed it before, been a part of the prayer process, even been a recipient of healing. I am still completely in awe every time it happens. I got goosebumps as the story was told, as I type it. God reached out and touched her, and through her the rest of us at the conference and now you as you read this blog. Jesus had a good idea with the whole healing ministry thing. Go heal someone. The news spreads like wildfire. People are encouraged/amazed/curious/want to be a part of the healing thing.

I guess I wonder why healing doesn't happen so much any more. I mean I don't hear of people who follow Jesus walking down the street and saying to the handicap homeless man asking for change, "I don't have any quarters or dollar bills, but what I do have is the Holy Spirit saying 'get up and walk!'"

Maybe it's because we all have quarters and dollars. And anyway we have been told we shouldn't give them to homeless people because they just abuse the whole system, are probably just going to blow it on drugs, booze or sex.

-Jemima King

Visit Jemima's blog over at Anyone Ordinary

Poor Grahamy!

2010-04-27T18:40:00.000-06:00

Sometimes you just have a rough day, and all you can do is count your blessings, say a prayer, and just face plant, exhausted, right where you are.

Xander and Graham, aka....

2010-04-23T05:13:00.000-06:00

I was thinking about the boys yesterday and realized that we hardly call them by their real names these days. Mike and I have developed a hodge podge of nicknames for them and use them all the time. Hopefully the boys will know their real names when it's important. I think Xander has a better chance of this.

Xander, also known as:
Xan Xan
The Xan-meister
Zanzibar
The Xanster

And Graham, more often known as:
Grahamy
Gram Gram
Gramboozle
Grahamcicle.
Graham-mesiter
The Grahamster
Graminal
Teddy Graham

And both often referred to as:
Boogey Bear
Gooby Duck

Poor kids...

Give Me Jesus

2010-04-21T19:47:00.000-06:00

Capturing Our Hearts

2010-04-18T20:04:00.000-06:00

Something that obviously comes up in marriage alot is the matter of intimacy. Seems like every time I turn around there's a new book coming out by Christian authors that claims to have keys to improving relationships between married couples. I think I can easily pinpoint the main things that lead to a good marriage: love and respect, mutual submission, an intimate relationship.

I understand that having intimacy is important for husbands and wives, even when we women would rather sleep, or we're busy multitasking and can't compartmentalize like our focused husbands. But what has always been perplexing to me is why God created this sort of relationship - how are we supposed to relate to Him through it?

Of course, submission and selfless giving are things we learn. And, it teaches us that love is an action, doing something we would maybe rather not do...but why did God create men and women to approach the whole topic so differently? Why couldn't he have made women to be turbo charged like men, and help us avoid so many of the conflicts that rise out of the issue?

I was sitting in church today, listening to our pastor preach on 1 Peter, and out of nowhere, I seemed to get an answer on this that satisfied me. No, it more than satisfied me...I left church feeling an even greater affection by God, and overwhelmed that he, yet again, took some time to speak to the deepest places of my heart.

This is what came to my mind; it may be silly, and it may be a "duh" moment for everyone that reads this, but it was an "oh, I get it now" moment for me.

So, obviously men are visual. They can see a cute woman and that's all that's needed for them. We women, on the other hand, are emotional. Intimacy begins in our minds and not necessarily our eyes. I felt like God told me that from the very beginning he has been so enamored with his creation. He has looked upon human beings and just been, "Wow, they are so great. I love everything that I've created about them and just want to be in deep relationship with them forever." However, as sinful humans who have believed countless lies from Satan, we are too blind and broken to see the beauty of God by gazing upon him and his creation. We are selfish and inwardly focused, and our understandings of God are horribly distorted, so that he no longer appears beautiful...he appears as a vengeful being that we must appease, manipulate, or pretend doesn't exist.

Because we can't visually appreciate God for who he is, he realized that he must woo us, he must speak to our hearts, he must sacrifice himself for us before we can trust him, open ourselves up to him, and appreciate him for who he is.

Isn't this the way women are? To fully open ourselves up to our husbands we need to be approached on an emotional level; we need to have kind, tender words spoken to us, and we need acts of service to be done for us. And when these are done, we are suddenly able to respond in a way that we couldn't before...we see our husbands with new eyes, and see them as they saw us for so long.

This seemed to be the deep analogy I was looking for to answer the intimacy puzzle. I'm not satisfied with trite answers, glib responses that are supposed to adequately explain why waiting to have sex for marriage is really a good thing. Now, looking at marriage through what God showed me, I have a much greater appreciation for the whole issue, and it points me to God, which is only a good thing.

I feel so much more beautiful and cherished in God's eyes, that he would make the effort to create an earthy, physical way for humans to understand his incredible love and desire for us in a way that we would understand.

Nadia Bloom Rescued,, Rescuer Says God Led Him To Her

2010-04-15T08:09:00.000-06:00

I saw this on my friend Olivia's blog (www.inspiredbygrace.blogspot.com)...this is awesome!

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Xander is 3 Today!!!!

2010-04-14T07:53:00.001-06:00

Xander turned the big 3 today...we're having a joint birthday party for him next Saturday with Graham since Graham is turning 1 next Wednesday.

However, I thought he still needed a birthday cake, so I surprised him this morning and brought a cake to his bedroom to eat fr breakfast. I figure eating chocolate cake for breakfast once a year won't kill him. And it made him pretty happy.

I've never been known for being a stellar baker, and apparently Xander has already picked up on this. I thought I was supposed to be perfect in his eyes for at least one more year. But no, when I brought the cake in for him this morning he asked,
"Mommy, did you make this cake for me?"
When I said yes, he responded,
"Good job, Mommy!"

Hmmph. Oh well, at least I'm improving. :)

I have a little bit of chocolate to steam clean out of his carpet now, but it's well worth it.

Clarification of Last Post: God is not Black and White

2010-04-12T18:10:00.000-06:00

In my last blogpost, I made a statement that God is not black and white. Someone commented on this and graciously disagreed with me, and in reading his response, I realized that I hadn't expressed myself as well as I could have.

When I described God as non black and white, I wasn't referring specifically to sin and saying that God is tolerant of it. I totally believe sin is serious and that God is holy and doesn't tolerate sin. If this wasn't the case, it wouldn't have been necessary to send Jesus to the cross....I'm not about cheap grace...it cost God alot and we should consider it very valuable.

My description of God as "gray" was more in relation to humans' tendency to be legalistic and make everything black and white, putting everything into boxes, maintaining that only their personal paradigms are the appropriate way of viewing life.

When I wrote the post, I was thinking of two specific scenarios. The first was a story told by a pastor of a church I used to attend in Colorado. He said that at one point in his life, he had a roommate that he found out was homosexual. His first thought was to potentially get out of that situation, because he didn't want to appear to be condoning the other man's behavior and lifestyle. However, after praying about it, he felt strongly that God wanted him to stay in the housing situation, and live out Jesus for his roommate. He believed that God told him that by kicking his roommate out, he would push the man further from the Kingdom.

The second scenario that came to mind was also in a church I used to attend about ten years ago. One of my friend's mother began attending church, and after hearing the gospel, wanted to accept Jesus and be baptized. However, she was currently living with a man who was not her husband, and the church pastor refused to baptize her until she left the situation she was in. According to my friend, she was crushed, and never came back to the church, and consequently, was never baptized or became an active follower of Jesus.

Depending on how you look at these stories, one could say that the first pastor condoned sin and the second took a stand against it. The second was very black and white. Right is right and wrong is wrong and no leeway will be given.

But, which one of these people really saw the heart of Jesus, I wonder? Yes, the woman living out of wedlock is sin in God's eyes, but the good thing about him is that he doesn't require us to be perfect when we come to him. He is gracious to receive us and our faults because of the sacrifice of Jesus.

This is why I say God isn't black and white....he didn't approve of the homosexual's choices, but he was merciful in the way he dealt with him....doesn't the Bible say that it's His kindness that leads us to repentance?

For the longest time I was furious with the latter pastor for refusing to baptize my friend's mother. I've tempered my attitude a bit, but I still think he was wrong. He was being black and white and expecting her to get her life shaped up before she could come to Jesus, while Jesus is more than capable of convicting us himself once we come to him.

So, long story short, it seems to me that God ALWAYS deals with sin, but he just doesn't always deal with it in the prescribed manner that we humans have laid out for him. He deals with each of us based on the state of our hearts, our individuality, and he does it with the utmost mercy and grace.

The World in Decay Part Two: Constant Tension

2010-04-07T12:13:00.000-06:00

My life seems to be in constant tension lately. I think part of that is my own fault, trying to carry too many things on my plate at once, and trying too hard to be perfect at all those at the same time. But, I'm becoming more aware of a natural tension that arises when one determines to be a serious follower of Jesus. Here are a few examples of tension points that I have detected in my life that I have thought about alot recently:

1. A healthy outlook on money - having money and material things is not bad until you come to love those things more than Jesus. But, it sure is hard to let those things slip freely from your hands the more you have. I constantly struggle with wanting nice things, but feeling guilty because of the dire poverty that extends throughout most of the world. Striking a balance between giving and having things seems so difficult.

2. Injustice in the world - I find it very difficult to face injustice in the world and either not despair or not become vengefully angry about it. God says he will repay each person according to their deeds in the end, but waiting for that justice when so many horrible atrocities occur in the world, and at the same time hoping for the salvation and repentance of the perpetrators is painfully slow and trying.

3. Life is not black and white -I struggle with subconsciously putting God in a box. I like structured life, where I can say explicitly what God will and will not do, and exactly how he feels about each situation. However, God will not be boxed up, he is not black and white, and every time I think I've got ahold of him, he squirms out of my reach and shows up somewhere else.

4. The "Now and Not Yet" enigma - God's kingdom is breaking in in places all over the world, yet it is not fully here. We have God's reign here with us, and yet it is not completely here yet.

5. One cannot follow a list of steps to get anything from God - this is related to an earlier point, and it sometimes makes me crazy. I like check lists, God doesn't seem to so much. He oftentimes doesn't do things the same way twice. So, just reading my Bible, having a 30 minute quiet time, and performing so many hours of service each week don't necessarily get me to where I want to be with God. It goes deeper than those boxes I can check off.

Ultimately, my life up until now has been about trying to find out exactly what is right and wrong, and do only the right. It is about finding the exact life path God has drawn for me, and follow it down to the last detail. I like getting all my theology and doctrines in order and lined out correctly, without any holes in them.

Unfortunately for me, these things don't work, and all that resulted from them in the past was that I was prone to being legalistic and not so humble, especially in the times when I got cocky and started thinking I had this God thing figured out. When I was in junior high and high school, I was always perplexed when older people kept talking about how their relationship with Jesus kept getting deeper and deeper, and they were constantly uncovering new truths. I kind of figured that since I had been a follower of Jesus since I could remember, I would get it all down pat by the time I reached college and then would just need to work on having enough discipline to stop sinning all the time.

I was SO naive. I'm 30 now, and have been so thrilled to discover in the past couple of years that I'm only getting my feet wet in this whole Jesus experience. Every time I turn around he's showing me something new, healing some area of my life, or extending extra grace over me. The areas of tension, that used to stress me so much, are becoming areas of freedom instead. God is about relationship, not rules. He is about love, and grace, and mercy. He doesn't do things the same way with everyone, which is indicative of his affection for each of us....he is personal and deals with us in our uniqueness.

I'm grateful now for the tension, because it is so much harder to be legalistic. And ultimately, it doesn't come down to being right all the time...it is about following Jesus, being in relationship with him, and doing what he asks. I really like CS Lewis's allegorical description of Jesus through Aslan in the Narnia series....he isn't safe, but he's good. I'm finding that this is so true.

The World in Decay

2010-04-06T09:15:00.001-06:00

Mike and I took the boys up to Michigan over Easter weekend to visit his mom. While we were there we visited a local church for Easter morning services. I spent the majority of the time we were in the service trying to keep Xander still and quiet, but one portion of the sermon caught my attention and brought a measure of clarity to me.

Romans 8:18-23, NIV
¹⁸I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. ¹⁹The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. ²⁰For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope ²¹that^[a] the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.
²²We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. ²³Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies.

I've read this passage many times, but on Easter morning I thought more deeply about it. It seemed so clear how silly it is for us as humans to fret and worry about the world falling apart, the oil supplies drying up, the ozone layer depeleting, and on and on. Of course these things are going to happen...the world has been subjected to futility and decay because of the fall of mankind. And since mankind is also now in a state of decay, there's no hope that we'll be able to find solutions that can adequately fix the problems and stop the world's decay indefinitely.

Looking closely at it, it seems so silly that we put our hope in politicians, in environmental law reform, in advanced technologies and medicine...they are only bandaids that don't fix problems, but simply keep us from seeing all the blood and nastiness building up from underneath.

George Bush couldn't save us, Obama isn't saving us, and Sarah Palin or whoever is the next fad in politics will not be the great savior that has the power to save us. We can come up with all kinds of new medicines to slow the progress of disease and impending death, but we can't stop anything. We will all eventually die. And, no matter how many people in the world decide to drive Priuses, and no matter how many bins of french fry oil are converted to fuel for cars, and no matter how much we try to eliminate our carbon footprints, the world is still decaying.

Chinua Achebe wrote a great book called Things Fall Apart, that through fiction described the breakdown of traditional Nigerian culture through the introduction of white missionaries and disease. The title of this book is so indicative of the way everything in the world operates. Things always tend toward entropy, or disorder, unless some creative power steps in and introduces more structure and order.

My house is a great example. Everything in it tends toward disorder and regular "fallingapartness". This does not change until I step in with some hard work and clean up, straighten up, etc. The world is no different, but what is different is that only the creative power of Jesus can fix thee entropy occuring on a grand scale. We humans can try all we want to patch things up, but we will never succeed.

God is breaking in his kingdom all over, inserting little bits of orderliness here and there, but he won't do it on a grand scheme until the end. The Romans passage from above made it so clear to me that while we should be good stewards of the earth and it's resources, our groaning caused by the subjection of the earth to decay is useless. We can't fix our problems.

But, we can turn to God, who can fix our problems, and direct our groaning more appropriately....the longing for the time when God will step down and make all things right again, when he comes with his creative power and saves and restores all that which is now decaying.

God is a good place, the best place, to put our hope...not in politics, not in medicine, not in scientific research, not in people...these things all fall apart. But in time, God will bring those who hope in him into glorious freedom, and we won't have to worry anymore about decay and death. I can't wait!

Life Doesn't End Until You're Dead.

2010-03-28T18:35:00.001-06:00

On Friday, Mike and I took the boys and went to a local coffee shop to hang out for a while. As we sat drinking coffee, I overhead one of the young baristas bemoan the fact that she was soon approaching her 22nd birthday. She voiced her concerns to her fellow male barista that she wasn't sure she had anything to look forward to birthday-wise after her 21st birthday.

"21 is cool," she remarked, "because you can drink and all, but what is there after that? I guess 25 is worth looking forward to because then you can rent a car without incurring extra fees."

I felt the need to pipe up and tell her, that 30 isn't so bad, and certainly not dreadful, the way she was describing all birthdays post 21. Her co-barista agreed that his 33 and 1/3 was quite good, and another customer who was also eavesdropping confirmed that 27 is indeed a fine age.

Leaving the coffee shop I pondered why she thought that 21 was the last birthday to look forward to. She's still a young'in, for goodness sake. She's still wet behind the ears, and all the other cliches that describe young adulthood.

As I thought about the relative silliness of her comments, I realized that I in fact am guilty of the same thing, in a slightly different way. Currently, I'm a stay at home mom with two little guys and the hopes of more, which creates alot of busyness. Taking care of the boys and the house and maintaining a good marriage is a full time plus job. Yet subconciously I feel I can't just concentrate on these things. I feel I must get everything done now that I ever want to do in life, because by the time the kids are out of the house I"ll be old.

I know this way of thinking is pretty dumb. I'll still be in my 40s when Xander turns 18, and theoretically all of my kids, even if I have another in my early 30s, would graduate by the time I"m fifty. Now, if I declare 50 old, I will be openly insulting ALOT of people I know.

The interesting thing is, for ALOT of those same people, you could say that some of their biggest achievements were accomplished post-kids in the house. Through different sources I've narrowed down to a few important things that stand out to me regarding life after the younger decades of the 20s and 30s.

1. Sometimes I think I know alot now, but I'm still really just wet behind the ears, too. I can be loud and opinionated and speak brashly, especially in regards to the way God works and thinks, when really I should just keep my mouth shut and work on learning lessons and gaining life experience. Then, when I'm in my 50s I'll be a little wiser and when I speak there will be less change of being the fool. (Proverbs remarks about the wise and the foolish have really been sticking with me lately).

2. In general, I think it's sad how the Western world places SO much emphasis on youth, and we've seemingly forgotten the value of the aged and elderly. We no longer value the wisdom and experience that comes with age, and so many times the young in our country (meaning those 40 and less) probably spout off much more often than we should, thinking we are wise when we're really not. I really wish we would look to the rest of the world and re-adopt some practices of the reverence for elders and what they have to say. Might save all of us a whole lot of heartache.

3. This idea of getting all you can out of life when you're young really just exhibits a lack of trust in God. I wholeheartedly confess this one and am really working on it. God can see the whole picture, he thinks in such higher ways than me, and he cares so deeply for me that I can guarantee that he won't forget about me during the years that I"m largely hidden inside the house, raising my family. When the kids are gone and my time is freed up, he's not going to say "Oh darn! I forgot about you, and unfortunately, all the good stuff's already been alotted to everyone else. I just don't see how I can fit you into this abundant life giving plan of mine anymore. Just relax for the next few decades you're still alive, and we'll just reconcile stuff in heaven."

So, to everyone, whenever I complain about getting old, and start griping that there's nothing to look forward to (because I don't care to buy an RV and drive around the country when I retire), please slap me and bring me back to my senses.

Stay at Home Mommyhood...it's tough!

2010-03-25T06:12:00.000-06:00

I've got two little boys, and they're getting to the age where being a parent takes some real work. It's not just about being able to survive sleep deprivation anymore, or of merely wading through diapers and barfed on clothes. Xander is developing a personality, and a will, and the need for strategery (sorry, GB, I will forever use that word now) in mommyhood has definitely come.

I really struggle with balance of spending quality time with the kids and getting all my other stuff done...maintaining a house, writing a book, and helping out in the community comprise a fulltime job in themselves, and then being a parent adds a second full time job. It's so easy to feel guilty over what's not being done instead of focusing on the good things that are being accomplished each day.

As a means of encouraging myself, I've decided to write down a few insightful comments given to me regarding motherhood from various sources. They remind me what the important things are.

1. "I'm sure I've screwed my kids up along the way, but I know for sure I've done one good thing as a parent. I've introduced them to God and I've taught them how to contact a counselor." (From a friend in Denver...I laugh every time I remember her telling me this.)

2. We tend to see our kids' childhood as a passing inconvience in our lives and houses. They have just as much of a right to be there as adults do. (Paraphrased from Keeping House: The Litany of Everyday Life) This one was a good slap in the face for me...I want to be super diligent that my kids never feel like an inconvience to me, even when I'm stressed, impatient, and in a hurry.

3. We don't need to corrall our kids from activity to activity...we need to fellowship with them as we go about our day, involving them whenever possible. (Paraphrased from a post in WomenLivingWell.com) This one is big for me...it means letting them help me in my daily chores, and not getting frustrated when things take a long time or aren't done perfectly and to my ridiculously high standards.

4. "When my babies were small, I kept my expectations of each day low. I had two goals for each day: to make my bed and to spend time with God. Since I was usually able to meet those goals, I had good days every day and accomplished all that I needed to. " (Paraprhased from another friend from Denver).

These four ideas make me feel like survivng at motherhood and succeeding at it are indeed possible. My biggest hope and assurance is that God is at work in me, and can work out my mistakes for the good. I'm very grateful for this.

Funny Stuff from Xander

2010-03-19T06:48:00.001-06:00

I haven't posted in a while because life has been downright crazy. However, Xander has been consistent in producing hilarious sayings, I felt the need to post a couple:

1. "It's time to wear the Buddha!" Mike and I have no idea what this means, but it sounds pretty deep. Don't even know where he got the word Buddha from, unless he made it up.

2. "Whoomp there it is!" For some reason Mike felt the need to teach Xan this, and Xan repeats it over and over about 10 times so quickly that it is hysterical and Mike and I can't keep from cracking up.

3. The other day the boys and I had to go to our local BuyBuyBaby to get some diapers and other stuff. Xander asked where we were going, and after I told him, he asked: "Are we taking Graham back?" After thinking about how BuyBuy sounds like Bye Bye, I realized he was drawing a rather logical conclusion.

There's so much more that he says, but it's too early in the morning for me to recount them all. :)

Women Living Well Blog: My Movie Standards

2010-03-05T09:12:00.000-07:00

I just read a post about movie watching standards off a blog I regularly read, and wow, it really convicted me. I've been letting things slide and justifying things that I have no business watching. As I told Mike, I feel a bit smutty now after reading this, and I thing some changes are due. Here's a bit of the post that I borrowed to share:

Women Living Well Blog: My Movie Standards: "1. I remember mom saying: 'If a couple who was unmarried came into your living room, would you allow them to make love on your couch? Certainly not! Well, that's what you are doing when you play a movie in the privacy of your home that has fornication in it. You have invited this couple right into your home to do such things!'

2. 'If you were taking Jesus in the flesh with you to the theatre - would you take him to see this movie or be embarrassed of the sin displayed for which he was beaten to a pulp and then nailed on a cross for? Jesus died on the cross to save us from these very sins we entertain ourselves with. Would you take Jesus with you to see this movie? If Jesus can't see it, neither can you!'

3. Your eyes take in images that your mind locks up and cannot erase. Do not play before your eyes images that pollute your mind. (Philippians 4:8 says: Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.')"

From /Foolishness to Contentment, All in One Day

2010-03-05T05:32:00.000-07:00

I was reminded and delighted yesterday of how God pursues his children even when they are being snarky and aren't paying any attention to him.

For the past week, for various reasons, I've been a bit pouty and ignoring of God because I like to have things my way and feel as though I'm in control. Very stupid and immature position to be in, but there I was regardless.

I knew the best thing for me to do was to turn back, admit my nonsense and foolishness, and make things right, but again, referring to previous paragraph, I was being snarky.

But, God being his wonderful self, decided to come after me, instead of waiting for me to get my head on straight.

And three wonderful times yesterday I had my mind blown away by things that happened, that could have been nothing other than from God, and by the end of the day, I was more than ready to admit what a stupid head I had been.

Fortunately, things are made right again, and I'm even more aware of how loved and cherished I am by Jesus.

My Biggest Secret

2010-02-24T19:25:00.000-07:00

I think it's time to reveal my biggest secret. People may not care at all, but that's OK. I feel the need to write out for everyone to see the good things that Jesus has done for me, especially recently. So, if you want to know the one thing has imprisoned me most of my life, read on. Otherwise, go to the next blog, or scroll to the next Facebook status. :)

My biggst secret....the most awful, terrifying, paralyzing thing in my life: I'm terrified of dying. Or at least, I was.

To clarify, I"m not afraid of death itself. That's never bothered me. What has absolutely wigged me out in the past, even very recently, is the idea of eternity and living forever. This one thing has sent me reeling into terrible panic attacks since I was seven years old. And I don't just mean a little bit of heart racing and sweaty palms, but all out hysteria. "I think I"m seriously going to die of terror in the next five minutes" kind of hysteria. Not pretty, but fortunately, no but God has ever seen me in an all out panic attack.

Why did this one thing hold me captive so long? I have always questioned how anything that is really good can last forever. Obviously that's not the way it works here on earth. Things that are REALLY that good are just too good to be true.

I've always questioned why God let me experience these terrible attacks. Why didn't he show up all the time and help me? For several years when I cried out to him in the midst of an attack I could almost tangibly feel Jesus enter the room and bring instant peace. But, after time, this seemed to stop and I felt so betrayed.

As I have learned over the last few years, sometimes God allows us to experience pain in order to get our attention and show us something is wrong, and to bring us closer to him. Now, instead of seeing him as betraying and abandoning me, I see him as pulling out all the stops in the effort to get my attention.

And he had good reason to get my attention. He has made it so clear to me that my fear of eternity, irrational as it may be, is based on my incorrect perception of Him and the belief in blatant lies from Satan. Through the help of a Christian counselor, I have discovered that I have been so afraid of eternity because I thought that it meant an infinite existence of being alone. I mean, heaven is going to be full of people, most of which are way more interesting than me, so why would God pick me out of millions to pay any attention to? I have also doubted my entire life that I"m a favorite of God, that I"m really the apple of his eye. I know these things are true in my head, but I seriously doubted them in my heart.

I have also always felt that I needed to prove myself to God, or make alot of noise so that He'll notice me. This is the way I've always felt around people, so I slapped the same labels onto God. I've taken all of my childhood wounds and projected untruths onto God, making him humna, which He is totally NOT.

Thanks to the graciousness of God in teaching me to hear His voice better, I, for the first time in 22 years, am finding peace. I am experiencing, as Brennan Manning would say, the "relentless tenderness of Jesus." I'm starting to finally feel his favor, and really believe it, and really believe that I don't have to "perform" for God. And if I don't have to perform for God, I don't have to perform for anyone.

My outlook on eternity is definitely changing for the better, and it's all because this wonderful Jesus, the hound of heaven, has pursued me relentlessly, insisiting that I find out who He really is, not being satsifed to have human attributes placed on him. And I'm starting to get the smallest glimpse of an idea of how the presence of Jesus surpasses human touch or the best hug one could get from another human.

So, for anyone who has stuck with this blogpost, you now know the thing that I have feared the most in my life; more than torture, more than losing loved ones, more than being burned to death. And all praise to Jesus, I am finding that the thing I thought was most impossible to make better is entirely possible and is becoming a reality.

P.S. I could list many more huge issues in my life that Jesus is radically redeeming, but that would make for an excessively long post. :)

A Few Days in DC

2010-02-21T19:17:00.000-07:00

I spent the end of last weekend and part of last week in Baltimore and Washington DC. My mom received a "lifetime acchievement award" from the American Association of Physics Teachers, and my friend Jemima flew down from Boston to join me, Graham, and my family.
The traffic in general was awful, there was too much snow everywhere, it was freezing, and we spent an extra night in Baltimore because of flight delays, but it was all good because I got to spend even more time with Jemima.

It was good to see my family, too, and get to pat little Aislie Frances inside Leslie's tummy.

An added bonus was getting to eat great Thai food, even if we were hit on by the 50ish Thai waiter...

Two of the Greatest Loves of My LIfe

2010-02-12T08:56:00.000-07:00

My little Valentines, Graham and Xander...XOXOXO!

Democratic Capitalism is NOT the Gospel

2010-02-09T05:10:00.001-07:00

For the past few months, our church has been working it's way through the Sermon on the Mount. It has actually been the best series on the three chapters of Matthew that I think I've ever heard, and certainly the most relevant and applicable to my life.

Last Sunday Jeff spoke on the wide and narrow gate passage in Matthew 7. He actually took a position that surprised me, because it was one that is so politically incorrect these days, but spot on. He conveyed some ideas that I believe wholeheartedly, but as usual, he was able to communicate them so much more tactfully than I do.

I love the United States....I've traveled through a majority of the fifty states, and I really enjoy the diversity in landscape, culture, and people that make up the country. I'm also very grateful that so many people have worked so hard to make it such a great place to live, with peace, security, and numerous freedoms that many others around the world don't enjoy.

I do have one rather large beef, though, and that is with the notion that God's favorite country in the world is the US and the subtle wave that has passed over us that democracy and capitalism are divine forms of government.

As Jeff noted, we have come to believe that democracy/capitalism and Christianity are the same thing, which explains why so much of America calls itself Christian, and largely why Muslims see America that way. I'm not saying democracy is bad, but we can't say it's God's chosen form of government. Capitalism has led to some good things, but it's also sustained countless sweat shops in third world countries.

The gospel is not about spreading democracy and free trade throughout the world, and I think we as Americans, and especially American Christians tend to forget that. The gospel, rather, is new life through the death and resurrection of Jesus; it is about setting the captives free and binding up the broken hearted; it is about giving justice to the poor, needy, oppressed, fatherless, and widowed.

So, while we say that God blessed America, I think we should realize he's blessed alot of other places as well, may just not in the power, monetary, and political freedom aspects that we humans tend to think are most important. While we've been hanging on to our precious democracy gospel, he's brought revival in South America and India, exploded the church in China, and brought more Muslims to himself in the last twenty years than have come to Christ in the last thousand years. That's happening while thousands of churches close their doors each year in the US.

I think that's worth taking note of, and maybe we should all (including me) reevaluate which gate we're trucking through.

Given to Death

2010-02-04T20:28:00.000-07:00

⁷But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. ⁸We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; ⁹persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. ¹⁰We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. ¹¹For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. (2 Cor. 4:7-11, NIV)

I've been reading through Beth Moore's Breaking Free over the last couple of weeks, and the chapter I read today really stuck out to me, especially the verse I highlighted in red above. I really like the way the NIV puts it..."we are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake."

I don't like death and dying - who does? However, the longer I follow Jesus, the more I realize it is a necessary precursor to discovering true life and real freedom. Even though I know this, I think I still see bad things that happen to me in daily life as random occurrences that are simply unfair and don't serve any purpose.

This chapter, and particularly reading this passage again, reminded me that there is a point to everything that I encounter. God doesn't play games with me just to see how much I can tolerate, and he doesn't take me through tough things just to make me a pious person and leave it at that. There are four things specifically that stuck with me this morning from my reading:

1. I am given over to death. God is the one that is allowing things to happen or not happen in my life. They aren't random or by chance, and they aren't simply thrown at me by Satan as God sits by and say "Oh crap! I wasn't expecting that!" This is so reassuring for me because I know God loves me unconditionally, and I know he is utterly trustworthy, so if he is the one giving me to the tough stuff in life, I know he is doing it for a good reason and will bring true life and eternal results.

2. I am brought into contact with things that will help me learn to die to myself because it brings Jesus glory. Again, I'm not suffering in vain...everything that I suffer offered humbly back to God in faith results in him being honored. That's encouragement to keep facing the yucky stuff in life instead of running from it.

3. Suffering and hard stuff in life doesn't have to be avoided or feared. I can run headlong into whatever God brings me because in doing so I will see more of God, be in deeper relationship with him, and learn more about what it is that he created me for in the first place, which is the essence of true life.

4. Last, something I'm seeing in my own life, the more you "die" the easier it seems to get. The first death of denying yourself is really painful, but as God proves himself faithful time and again, the dying of self becomes sweeter and sweeter as more life and joy rises up from those ashes.

I find it so amazing that I can read the same Bible passages over and over and not notice anything different, and then one day a verse I've read a billion times will just pop out and it's like God is speaking audibly in my head, and I will suddenly "get" something that I never truly retained before.

Most of all, I'm so grateful that through every death we have to die, Jesus walks right beside us.

A Few Very Random Thoughts on Motherhood

2010-02-03T09:51:00.000-07:00

1. I love the crazy things that comes out of Xander's mouth. Like yesterday, when he woke up in the middle of the night and asked "Mommy, where'd Elmo go?"

2. I'm still amazed at the lack of privacy once you have kids. I can't even escape to the shower without a kid coming after me. Even the dog has to poke his head in the bathroom door these days, too.

3. I'm completely fine with acting like a complete moron in the effort to entertain the boys when we're sitting in the car at a car dealership waiting for Daddy to test drive a different car.

4. I think it's hilarious how excited we get these days when Xander poops in the potty. I never thought I would be amused by so little.

5. I thought college equaled exhaustion. I was wrong. I got all the sleep in the world back then.

6. Why is it that when you SWORE you were never getting pregnant again, at about six months of your latest baby's age, that baby bug starts creeping back in...and you think to yourself - "I've lost the weight before...I could do it one more time!"

I'm Going to be an Aunt!!!

2010-01-28T05:08:00.000-07:00

For everyone that doesn't know, my wonderful brother and sister-in-law are pregnant with a little girl who is due to join us in May!

Aislie Francis

May I just say that I'm so excited I think I'm going to bust, and getting a neice is almost as good as getting my own precious babies?

And it's pretty obvious by the above ultrasound pic that she's going to be a real cutie!!!

Hurry up May 17!

Food for Thought

2010-01-27T05:18:00.001-07:00

The subject of food these days seems to be such a derpressing topic. I'm amazed that 1/3 of our population in the US is morbidly obese. That's 1 in 3 people...and is hard to even fathom. I'm even more struck when I read statistics about overweight children. How is it that we as humans are able to take good things from God,like food, and so radically twist them until they feel like a curse?

Instead of being nourishing and a medium for fellowship and community with other people, eating becomes an obsession, a chore, or yet another attempt to fill the empty places that only God can fill.

I used to laugh at a statement one of my friend's from Alabama would say: "You don't eat 'cause you're hungry; you eat so you don't get hungry!" It sounds funny, but is so true about our mentality here in the US. We stuff ourselves with food, usually overprocessed and terrible nutritionally, to temporarily fill the aching in our hearts that we are missing something that really nourishes, or to help distract and comfort ourselves a little while longer from hurts and pain inflicted on us.

My counselor made an interesting connection, that the reason women largely struggle with food more than men is because it was what turned us away from God in the first place. Of course, it was the notion that Eve could be like God that really did it, but the avenue through which the Fall happened was from food. And then of course, Adam valued Eve's opinion over God's, which is perhaps why men struggle so much with sin surrounding women today.

What I think is most depressing, is that when we attempt to take something that God gave us as a gift, to foster community and keep us alive and healthy, and eat to make ourselves feel better, we don't even eat the good stuff. We modify our food products, remove the nutrients and insert fat, sugars, and fillers so that in the end, we're consuming trash, not the original good stuff that God gave us.

Again, in reading Keeping House: The Litany of Everyday Life, I was disheartened when I began to think of the ways that we try to heal ourselves from overeating. Instead of appropriate amounts of the good food God gave us, we eat even worse junk in the form of nasty nutrition bars, and protein shakes whose taste is covered up with artificial mint or strawberry. Or we refuse food in general and stuff ourselves with non-natural diet pills and supplements.

Why don't we as Americans value ourselves more? We claim to be proud of who we are, and so many of us are super patriotic, so why doesn't that come across in the way we treat our bodies? We are so easily satisfied by what quickly fills the stomach, instead of seekng the truly good things that will satisfy and nourish our bodies, and things that will heal our souls.

My Year of No Clothes (Just kidding).

2010-01-23T07:33:00.001-07:00

In recent years, I have realized that I've become addicted to clothes and shoes. Shopping for pure shopping sake isn't a huge problem for me, but I have what I call "Shiny Object Syndrome". I typically use this to refer to my husband's obsessive fixation on hobbies or novelties, like fountain pens, but to be truthful the same label can be slapped onto me.

When I go to a store for something, I have a hard time just buying that one thing. Marketing and advertising is a booming business because of people like me, who are atrracted to products because of the brightly colored packaging or the manufacturer's promise that this buy will change my life Away from the store, I know these things are unrealistic and dumb reasons to buy things, but once I get into the store, I can rationalize anything.

Fortunately, I have enough self control that I haven't sent us anywhere near financial despair or ruin. More than anything, it's a subtle issue within me that most people would never notice, but God and I see it and know it causes a rift in our relationship.

Clothing, and SHOES are a big shiny object problem. I'll walk by the clothing section of a store, or pass through a clothing store on my way to a different store in the mall, and....."Oh, that is a really cute shirt!" Or..."Those shoes are great!" And so, time and again, I leave stores with a clothing purchase that I really didn't need, and I didn't stop to evaluate if it would fit successfully with the rest of my wardrobe. Which is why in the past alot of my wardrobe has been the most random hodge podge of things that take some real work into joining into outfits.

As an attempt to curb my obsession, which I know is really just a lack of faith that I can be satisfied with God and not things, I began a clothing fast in November 09. I'm really thrilled to say that over the last few months I haven't bought any clothes, shoes, socks, accessories, etc., except for one outfit I needed for an upcoming event and I had nothing in my closet that was appropriate (seriously, not justifying). Three months may not sound like much, but it's huge for me. Especially when I've gone shopping to just to hang out with friends and was able to leave the store without any apparel.

As I'm reading Keeping House: A Litany of Everyday Life, I feel the struggle more and more that clothing, especially in our culture, creates. Christianity calls for women to dress modestly and femininely, something that we could definitely use more of in the US. But I've noticed, as with most things, it is easy to swing to extremes. We either pay hardly anything for our clothes, don't make much effort because we don't want to appear materialistic and vain, or we go to the opposite extreme and buy way more than we need at exuberant prices, citing What Not to Wear and the necessity of being presentable in public and working hard to feel good about ourselves.

I see alot of value in things like What Not to Wear, because I've realized it is super important to women's self esteems that we take care of ourselves and try to look nice. When one wear raggedy clothes and sweats all day, it's harder to get motivated about anything. It always seems so much easier to attack the day and anything that comes when you're confident with how you look.

At the same time, I think we women need to keep in mind that we're blessed to have new clothes of any kind, since so many people in the world don't ever get new clothes. We need to learn to be happy with a simple wardrobe, not do the typical American thing where our walk-in closets are busting at the seams, and yet we still "can't find a darn thing to wear!"

All in all, this fast has given me a lot to think about, and it has taught me to be much more intentional about what I wear. Rather than just look at my closet and grab whatever it was that I just bought, or gripe that I don't have anything to wear that I like, I have started to really analyze what kinds of clothes make me feel good, and what specific pieces I should buy to fill in gaps.

I'm thinking this fast could certainly extend to the rest of my house...I would buy so much less if I planned ahead, curbed my emotional buys and found true satisfaction in God, and learned to be content with the riches I do have.

In Praise of 1950s Housewives

2010-01-22T06:01:00.000-07:00

Through a book that Mike bought me (at a truckstop on the way home from St. Louis - LOL), I discovered another incredible little book. It's called Keeping House: The Litany of Everyday Life by Margaret Kim Peterson. It finally came in the mail from Aamzon a couple of days ago, and I have not been able to put it down.

I've never been a super huge fan of housework, seeing it as necessary and mundane, something to be done as quickly as possible so I could move onto something more worthwhile and enjoyable. This little book is completely challenging the way I see housework, and I'm realizing that things like putting good food on the table, cleaning, doing laundry, and scrubbing toilets has theological implications and could be viewed as sacramental.

So much ahs changed in househholds and the way they are run since the notoriously made fun of 1950s. With the feminist movement came outcries that men should help share the brunt of housework, and according to a survey included in the book, Peterson notes that housewives are ranked in worth in society along with the disabled, elderly, and retarded. (the survey's words, not mine).

These days, people tend to think we are "too good" for menial work and that we should delegate the task to someone else so that we can get to things that matter more. Peterson's book directly challenges these assumptions in a thoughtful, intelligent way, and argues that keeping house and creating a home is really just joining in God's work.

I used to mock the stereotypical 1950s housewife along with most people I know, but when I was reading descriptions of them yesterday, I had to rethink the whole thing. The type of household that I visited when growing up that most closely exhibited the 1950s era were the households I enjoyed being in the most. They felt warm and inviting, thought was taken into food preparation, the houses were clean and well managed, and it seemed like the homes where the moms took keeping house seriously were really welcoming, comfy enviroments.

I'm not necessarily and advocate of women walking around in dresses and heels while cleaning the house, or accosting our husbands the minute they walk through the door with a gin and tonic in hand, or of us having to have a plum pie with cream baked every night for supper. But, as I'll muse more about later, I think there really is something to this idea of taking homemaking seriously and realizing that it's not just about keeping a house sanitary and livable, but rather joining of the work that God does of feeding and clothing people, providing safe shelters, and ultiamtely creating havens in homes.

I'm Just Made This Way!

2010-01-16T12:07:00.000-07:00

I have recently discovered alot about myself, and why I do the things I do. OK, not really recently for the most part, but within the last few years. It seems that for the majority of my life, I have floundered aorund trying to figure out who I was, and be something that I thought would get people's approval. Basically, it came down to living life while flying blind. More scary than exciting, and there was alot of running into stuff.

I started seeing a Christian counselor about 3 1/2 years ago, and I now believe that EVERYONE should go to counseling whether or not they think they have issues. ( EVERYONE has issues, and one can learn alot about himself or herself through some guided introspection. When theophostic prayer is added to the equation, even more can be acomplished. ) One of the first things that my counselor had me do was to take the Myers-Briggs personality test. The results were an "Aha!" moment and more and more is revealed on a regular basis because of that test. In case anyone is curious, I am an XNFJ: One the fence between extroverted and introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Judging (Judging not meaning that I'm condemning of others, but rather that I like closure).
(Introverted Intuition with Extraverted Feeling)

Knowing this has been incredibly helpful in communicating with people around me, as well as understanding other people's motivations and their understanding of the world. Even more recently I've read alot about temperament types, which are different than personality. It's pretty clear that I'm a good 50% melancholy, and I think next would be phlegmatic with a bit of choleric thrown in. Knowing this has helped me understand my moods so much better, and why I"m attracted to certain personality types and exhausted or irriated by others. The personality types that tend to attract me the most are those that are opposite of me, the bubbly extroverted laid back people, because they have traits that I'm lacking. It has also been huge in helping me understand why I'm attracted to certain activities, but drag my feet with others.

I am also finally getting a bit of a clue on my spiritual gifting. I'm really good at taking those kinds of inventories and through over analysis sabatoging the test to make it result in the gifts that I want, not what I really am. I for sure now know that one of my gifts is mercy, and that's why things that go on around the world, injustices and genocide and what not, bother me so much, and that's why I can wail over things like the evening news.

Here's the point of this rambling post: I have been increasingly frustrated over things from my past that I cannot change. I've had so much healing as a person, thanks to God, over the past five years, that I've desperately wanted a second chance on all the things I screwed up. There are countless things about college that I wish I could have a redo for. Which is all dumb, because I'm almost 10 years out of college....it's kind of like the people who try to live their high school lives until they die because they never move on.

I got a moment of clarity the other day when my counselor pointed out that my behavior and attitude is going directly against what God made me to be. My personality is to be forward thinking, a risk taker, a visionary. He made me to dream about what could be, and I'm dwelling on the past and things that are completely out of my control to change. An XNFJ is made to release control, not cling onto it. So, the whole gist of this is, I"m living unnaturally because I'm fighting against what God made me to be, and I"m wasting an insane amount of energy to do it. How much more energy would I have to invest in the future and plans God has for me and my family if I would just let bygones be bygones and be grateful that I'm a much more whole person than I was in college and the years surrounding it?

At the prompting of God and my wise counselor, I took the time to grieve all the junk from the past that has harrassed me for so long. I may have done some insane things back then, worn gosh-awful-what were-you-thinking-clothes and botched relationships, but Praise Be To Jesus I am no longer that person. I can actually stand having myself around now. And sure enough, once I did all that grieiving and handed my past to Jesus, it has basically dropped from my mind. I just don't feel tormented anymore. It's exciting, liberating, and evidence of yet another way that God pursues me and take care of me.

The Art of Rest

2010-01-09T20:38:00.000-07:00

I had my weekly phone chat with my best friend today, and we got into a conversation that I've been mulling over the rest of the day. The subject? Is life going to be a series of frustrations, one after another, where we constantly overshoot what God has for us, and then have to struggle to find our way back to the road to move again in the right direction? This doesn't seem to fit the definition of abundant life here on earth. Yet I wonder, do people out their really achieve a balance where they realize a civil war is raging within them, yet in spite of that are able to remain joyful, without endless frustrations, and experiencing eternal life here on earth?

I'm finding that true "rest" is a learned skill that is infused with the grace of God. We humans aren't naturally good at resting; we are good at being lazy, but that is altogether different. When one stops and really gets still in life, it can be painful because you see the real "you" that is more easily hidden by frenetic activity. And I don't know about everyone else out there, but I don't always like many aspects of the "real" me.

There always seems to be a constant tension within my life - I feel the need to rush around like a maniac, piling as much as possible onto my agenda, in the effort to avoid having to look too closely at myself, issues affecting my life, and areas that God wants to tweak or flat out overhaul. Yet, at the same time, I desperately crave the rest of God that comes with having margin, and the peace that comes from doing things because I want to, not out of guilt or the inability to say no to people.

Unfortunately, I live in a society and culture that doesn't cater to rest, or to learning the art of it. We are taught from a young age how to multitask, overschedule, and view free time as inefficient and economically non profitable. This sometimes makes me wonder if Americans are going to be terribly disillusioned and bewildered when we get to heaven and there's no money to be made, no corporate ladders to madly climb up, and no extra brownie points for working overtime.

During my time in West Africa I often became depressed because life was so much slower than I was used to, and I had absolutely no clue what to do with myself. I struggled with boredom, feelings of inadequacy because I wasn't "contributing" in super tangible ways, and downright frustration that I couldn't look back at the end of the day and point to what I'd accomplished. Looking back, I see how I wasted the time I had there, because I could have spent it learning to really "rest", pursuing God's heart even more dilligently, and building so many deeper relationships.

As I look at my life right now, with my tendency to get frustrated about dreams I had that seemed to have just flat out disitegrated, I hear what may be a whisper from God. Perhaps, the circumstances I'm currently in were intentionally placed around me so that I would learn what real rest is and begin to practice it. Only then would I know how to implement it into my life when God gave me more responsibility and bigger dreams to chase. Either way, I'm trying to be patient with myself and remind me that as with most things in life, the art of rest takes practice. If it were easy, everyone would be well rested, joy filled, contented people.

Doggone it.

2010-01-06T08:55:00.000-07:00

Mike and I have recently gotten hooked to the show Dog Whisperer with Cesar Millan. We're both rather fascinated with how quickly he can transform a dog's behavior so quickly with minimal "rewards". While I love dogs, I've have grown increasingly frustrated with them over the years, especially when I have to deal with bad behavior after bad behavior, or the incessant shedding of hair.

Having watched a fair amount of the show and read some of Cesar's books, I have come to realize that I, and then Mike and I together, have been terribly irresponsible dog owners for our entire lives. We grew up thinking that unless a dog was a "working" dog on a goat ranch or something of the sort, they were basically nice to just "have around". I think this worked fairly well with the small dogs Mike had growing up, and it was easier to ignore bad behaviors of the dogs I had during my childhood because they stayed outside and were basically free to roam and entertain themselves.

Since we've been married and have had indoor dogs, problems have started showing themselves. At the time most of the problems originated, I was pretty ignorant as to the source of them, but I can't claim that excuse anymore. For example, our first little spaniel, Phoebe, developed some awful habits when interacting with other dogs. At the time we didn't know what the problem was and certainly didn't know how to handle her seemingly aggressive behavior towards other dogs. A very similar situation appeared on an episode of Dog Whisperer the other day, and things became pretty clear that it was a fixable problem if we had known how to work with her. Life could have been so much more peaceful between Phoebe and the Malamute we acquired next, Mishka.

Mishka for the most part was a really docile, laid back dog, but Thane, the collie we adopted when Phoebe died, was initially a super clingy dog that claimed everyone as his sheep. He insisted on trying to climb on us when we sat on the floor, and at the least he had to sit on our feet. The clingyness has diminished over time, probably because of my irrate yelling at him, but he still has excessive barking issues. This was another behavior addressed by Cesar, one of the first pointing to our irresponsible dog owner behaviro. He isn't getting enough exercise from us to use up his energy and excitement, so he takes it out on innocent passersby and the equally annoying neighbor dogs.

We had to put Mishka down about 9 months ago, and six months later we adopted Rusty, a cute little black lab mix. He seemed like the perfect dog until we brought him home - smaller than the average lab, sweet, quiet, etc. Then, when his neutering pain meds wore off, I discovered he was a super clingy, super needy dog that had apparently been spoiled incessantly by the previous owners who's yard he escaped from. Every time I turned around he was on the couch, or chewing on something, or trying to climb in my lap, or jump on the bed. Even though I felt badly, I was regretting the adoption within the first week, even though he was a very docile dog and a great running partner. He seemed to be, next to Marley, the world's second worst dog.

And yet again, we were chided by the words of Cesar...all these issues are the result of humans. Why does he chew on stuff? Not because he is intentionally destroying Xander's toys. He needs ALOT more exercise. Why is he so clingy and exhibiting alot of annoying behaviors? He's displaying dominaance and has not been shown in any significant way that I'm the pack leader. Well, I wasn't the pack leader apparently, but I'm working on climibing rank with the dogs. Something that struck me in one of Cesar's books is that humans try way too much to humanize their dogs, which leads to bad behavior and is dumb, becasue they are obviously not humans. He asserts that what they receive from us as owners should be half exercise, a quarter affection, and a quarter discipline.

So, I'm feeling irresponsible, because walking a dog for 45 minutes first thing every morning was not previously part of Mike's and my paradigm. We've had a bit of a paradigm shift now, though, and I'm exerciseing my dogs more than I've ever done in my life. And yes, I'm getting my butt out in the firigd 10 degree weather to do it, too.

I think we've had our eyes opened to the fact that in the future we need to take the dog acquiring decision much more seriously, and do some research on what kind of dog will fit in our family's lifestyle the best, or maybe we should just reconsider being dog owner's if we aren't going to be responsible about it. We used to think we were being stellar owners because we have a 1/3 of an acre back yard for them to run around in, and they get to live inside, but apparently, that doesn't cut it. Dogs are not cats, and do not want to lay around all day and simply be scratched occassionally. Too bad for me that this is really sinking in my head now that I have TWO dogs that don't want to just lay around all day.

I'm Just a FLYbaby.

2010-01-03T19:01:00.000-07:00

When we lived in Denver, a friend of mine told me to check out www.flylady.net.
I looked at it initially and thought it was a good idea...a step by step way to get one's house and life out of utter chaos. Even so, I never really implemented the process and eventually forgot about it.

I have recently started taking a closer look at the FLYlady again, and I'm surprised at what I'm finding. Upon having children, as I mentioned in an earlier blogpost, I become an obsessive, anal retentive perfectionist....which is really humorous because that is so not who I used to be. But instead of it balancing out things in my life, I did a pendulum swing to the opposite extreme.

Slowly, over the last few months I have started trying to do a few things the FlYlady suggests, such as getting completely dressed and ready to go before doing anything. It is amazing what a difference that makes! Now, in the morning, I"m What Not To Wear presentable and I get so much more done than if I wait until the early afternoon to get dressed. I actually feel better about myself, too, knowing I don't look like a frazzled mom that keeps the curtains closed so even the mail lady doesn't catch a peek at my disheveled appearance.

Even more recently, I've delved back into the whole FLYlady philosophy wholeheartedly. The first thing that I've found is that I have a terrible time stopping cleaning when I've done the allotted time in a zone or have finished my scheduled chores for the day. I have an almost insatiable urge to do "just one more thing." I couldn't just relax and not do anything more. Which led me to another conclusion: I have lost the ability I had in childhood and adolescence to just "be." I feel like I have to be doing something every waking minute, or I don't feel right. How did this get developed in me? I used to be perfectly content to sit on the couch or a chair on the front porch for hours, but now I feel guilty if I sit around for more than ten minutes without "contributing" to something.

I'm thrilled to see that the FLYlady is really helping me keep the house in order with minimal stress, even though I"m just a FLYbaby and am new to it. What I am not thrilled about it the apparent work that needs to be done on myself to heal only more neurotic behaviors, stressing about things out of my control, and losing sight of the important things in life: like how much more important it is to spend time with Jesus than scrub my baseboards.

Go Blue

2009-12-30T18:49:00.000-07:00

Some Colts fans know how to do it right.......and this is only the front of the house.

Christmas!

2009-12-26T10:03:00.000-07:00

This Christmas was a really good one. We didn't have to load the house up into our SUV and travel across the country, we didn't have to pay an arm and a leg to transport ourselves, carseats, strollers, etc. through the skies to a far away destination, and we didn't have to worry about having a spotless house and preparing way too much food.My day consisted of: making gingerbread pancakes for breakfast, after we all slept in to 8:30/9:00 am - my husband washed the dishes for me. - having a great time watching the boys open presents - pretending I was on the Atkin's diet for a day to overindulge in an enormous honey-baked ham that was given to us - my husband washed the dishes for me - wasting the afternoon away lounging in the basement watching episodes of Clean House on the Style channel - taking a 2 hour nap in our oversized recliner while the baby napped on top of me - eating pumpkin pie cheesecake that Xander helped make after we sang Happy Birthday to Jesus and blew the candles out three times for Xander's benefit - my husband washed the dishes for me - driving to our friends' house for a quick visit, and driving around town to look at the Christmas lights - putting the kids to bed and crawling into my own nice, warm flannel sheets.

I was disappointed to not have extended family nearby, but over all it was a wonderful day.

Jesus' Happy Day!

2009-12-23T19:22:00.000-07:00

This year is the first Christmas that Xander is really getting into. Last year he enjoyed seeing the Christmas tree in our house, but ignored most of the neighborhood's Christmas decorations and iconic images of Santa Claus. With the advent of his greater awareness of thing going on around him, I'm realizing that alot of parenting challenges are coming my way.

I don't want to be the overly strict parent that institutes unreasonable rules without giving any sort of explanation. For example, I'm about the furthest thing from a big fan of Halloween as one can get, but I don't want to just lay down the law that any activities related to Halloween are off limits without helping Xander and Graham understand why. I figure I can justify my position to them easily enough on this one as they get older.

The Santa Claus thing is the one that stumps me. I've tried to figure out a solution to this dilemma since before having kids, but haven't come up with one yet. Obviously, I believe that celebrating Christmas is ultimately about the incarnation of God through the birth of Jesus, and how through his life, death, and resurrection we now have hope and things will be made right once again. But then comes along this jolly little man dressed in red and white that brings presents to kids. At first glance, it seems to me that telling Xander that Santa is bringing him presents is completely innocent and harmless. It is also an easy form of bribery to get kids to behave in the short run. There's nothing inherently 'evil' about Santa, so how could a few years of imagined fun be bad?

My mind begins to extrapolate beyond my little suburban neighborhood to all the kids who aren't visited by 'Santa', not because they weren't good, but because they live in poverty, or they have parents that don't care enough about them to buy them presents. There seems to be a disconnect between us telling Xander that Santa will bring him presents, and then having him buy a toy, wrap it, and deliver it o a gift drop box for needy children. If they were good, and Santa takes presents to children around the world, then why the unnecessary expense? Of course, he isn't thinking that yet, but the wheels in his head turn pretty fast and I wouldn't expect it to take him long to get there. I can also forsee in the future questions from him as to why other parents let them believe in Santa and why we didn't, or he could go to school and ruin the Santa Claus fantasy for all the other kids before it was their time.

As of now, he's seen all the presents wrapped near the tree, and we haven't told him that Santa brings them. I think it's pretty clear they are from us. And, he's probably a tad confused who this Santa Claus that is sitting on top of our tree really is and what he's about. I'm not sure I'll figure out an appropriate solution that won't leave Xander perplexed in one way or another, but for now we're telling Xander that we're celebrating Jesus' Happy Birthday, or in Xander's words, "Jesus' Happy Day!" That's reason enough for a party in his mind, and it takes the focus off of him. He's realzing that even though there are presents he'll get to open, the day isn't just about him. I'll settle with that for now, and chew on it some more later.

God is Filet Mignon

2009-12-17T20:52:00.000-07:00

Mike and I know a really wise woman, who has an awesome and very intimate relationship with Jesus. It's obvious by the way she talks, the way she conducts herself, and the way she treats people and reacts to them. If there's any one woman I would want to emulate, it's her. But I realize it's not just the "her" that's great about her, it's the Jesus in her that shines out and overflows into everything she does.

I was talking to this woman the other day about knowing God as Father and how that can be really difficult sometimes. It feels so much easier to connect with people, because they are tangible, make audible noises, and seem so much simpler communication-wise. Having a close relationship with God seems like a good thing, but in reality I am drawn to people instead, and crave having my emotional needs filled through them.

She presented a good analogy for me to understnad how much better it is to seek true intimacy with God than to not pursue it....she told me that God is like filet mignon, and relationship with humans, in comparison to having relationship with Him, is like settling for rye crackers. And she could say that honestly because she had experienced that kind of relationship with God.

Not that being in relationship with our fellow people is bad, but the point is to strive for that deep fellowship with God that seems impossible, but is possible. There's a pretty big span between filet mignon and rye crackers, and after the conversation I was left feeling intrigued by her thoughts. I feel like in the past five years I've learned to hear God in ways I'd never thought possible, and I hear Him clearly on a much more frequent basis, but the description of her relationship with Him left me hungering for more. I want that kind of relationship with God where I don't just know I'm accepted and am His child, but I KNOW it. I don't want to know on a head level that I'm loved, that He is always doing the best for me, that he is utterly trustworthy...I want to KNOW it and let that KNOWING tranform my life.

I want to have my emotional needs filled in Him, and have my completeness be complimented by relationship with people. I want to be able to say and truly believe that even if I lose everything, I haven't lost everything, because I have HIM.

Besides, people are great and it is great to be in relationship with them, but a good piece of beef is so much better than anything made with rye any day!

Making Laws out of Trivial Things, Like Housecleaning....

2009-12-15T10:24:00.001-07:00

I haven't blogged in a couple of months, largely because I screwed up my template and made my blog crash. Beyond that, my brain has been fried. But now, I'm reclaiming margin in my life and am feeling like I have a bit more room to breathe and write down thoughts instead of letting them simply stew in my head.

I had an epiphany in church on Sunday. It was rather simple, in reality, and anyone reading this would probably just say,"Duh!" However, I can be dense and sometimes it takes an extraordinary amount of time for me to get stuff. Our church leadership has really been focusing on trying to convey the idea that we need to apply grace in all matters, and stop making laws out of things, especially in regards to teachings from the Sermon on the Mount. We as humans like rules, we like to know what to do in each situation, without any gray areas. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, Jesus doesn't allow himself to be jammed into our boxes. Praise God for that!

An area of my life that has of late become a law is my diligence to keep my house spotless and completely organized. I can see signs of monster mom coming out of me in my attempts to maintain a pristine home with no toddler stickies, so clutter, and minimal evidence that we own dogs. As a result of me becoming legalistic about housework and the activities allowed within the walls of our abode, I am not making myself as available to my kids as they deserve, I'm endlessly stressed, I growl at my husband for forgetting to perform the most trivial of tasks, and I resent my dogs. And the biggest downside is that I have come to feel as though it is more important to wash those dishes than use the free half and hour I have to spend time with my Father.

Sunday I realized how ridiculous this has all been. I know why I became this way, and in some aspects, my recently developed anal retentiveness has been great...5 years ago I was a slob at heart. But all my efforts have missed the mark. What is the point of keeping a clean, uncluttered house? Is it to be able to compare to other stay at home moms and demonstrate my abilities? Is it to prove to my mom that I can indeed keep a clean house despite her fears otherwise during my adolescence? Is it because I really need to prove to my husband that I don't sit around and watch TV all day long while he is at work? Is it because it's really going to kill my kids to have a little dirt around, or a little clutter? No, no, no, and no. The point of cleaning my house is to have a warm, cozy, comfortable safe place for my family to live and grow up in, and a welcoming environment for people coming into my home. But if I become a grouch, and at worst a witch, in pursuing those things, all is for naught. My relationships will be damaged, my kids won't remember the clean house but instead an ill tempered, impatient mom, and I will be one stressed out woman.

So, in light of all that...I'm letting alot of things go. I refuse to revert back to being a slob, but if the kids want to play and the dishes have to wait until the morning, so be it. If I need a nap because I've been up all night with the baby, darn it, I'm going to take one. And when Mike comes home after a rough day and dumps all of his gear on the dining room table, I'm not going to growl and whine about how all I do is put his junk away. When my kids are grown, I'd rather them say that they lived in a comfortable, Jesus-filled house with loving, available parents, than in a squeaky clean house that constantly had to be tip toed through for fear of upsetting mom. And if I recall, Proverbs has alot to say about how so many awful things are better for a man than to have to life with than an ill tempered, quarrelsome wife....

Let the Grace begin....

Here We Go...

2009-10-26T21:34:00.002-06:00

Mike and I are seriously looking at international adoption. We're going to blog about of journey from the beginning to wherever this leads. If you're interested in going alongside us, you can follow the blog at
From Indiana to Russia

What Would I Have Done?

2009-10-17T20:23:00.000-06:00

Lately I've been thinking alot about a story my dad told me about six months ago when he and my mom came to help out when I was in the hospital for Graham's birth. I'm bothered by it because it is one of those stories where the "what would I do in that situation" comes into play.
Apparently way back when, in the late 1800s or early 1900s, a member of my family was over in East Texas for some reason or another. Riding on horseback, he came upon a little town, (don't know which one it was), and he was preparing to ride in. From the outskirts of the town, he could see that there was a big commotion going on. Looking closer, he saw that a black man was tied up, and wood was being stacked around him. He realized that the people in the town were preparing to burn this black man alive. Just about then, an old man with a shotgun came upon the member of my family and suggested that he turn his horse on around and head back the direction he came from. Terrified of what he was seeing and the threat of what could happen if he protested to the event about to happen, he turned around and hightailed it out of there.
My grandpa heard this story, from his dad I think, and then he told my dad years later. I might have a couple details wrong, but the gist of the story is there. I'm bothered by this story for two reasons: 1) this secretive murder of a black man obviously didn't make the history books, and it concerns me how many people were brutally killed by racist whites that no one knows about. 2). The second thing that bothers me is that this man saw another man about to be killed in a horrible manner, and fearing for his own life, turned and fled. But I can't stop wondering what I would have done in the same situation. Then I start rationalizing things in terms of justice. If that had happened to me, wouldn't it have been better to ride off and report what was being done and have the perpetrators brought to justice rather than have myself be shot or burned along with the black man and the whole matter stay a secret forever? Or would it have been better to die along with that black man, and have him at least know that someone tried to step in for him and at most he didn't die alone?
I keep trying to figure out what Jesus would have asked me to do in that situation?

Sign a Petition with the IRC to Help End Child Labor

2009-09-25T19:16:00.001-06:00

Deep Thoughts for the Day

2009-09-14T10:25:00.003-06:00

So, a couple of days ago we went to Corolla on the Outer Banks to view a lighthouse. It was pretty cool, although it humiliated me by showing me how out of shape I am when attempting to climb to the top. (2 days later I'm still limping around). After my climb, I sat down with the baby to rest, and noticed that the lighthouse ground's old outhouse was still present, and available for viewing. It was glassed in so that you couldn't go inside, but you could peer through the window to see what it looked like.

It strikes me as really funny that we find it interesting to see where people used to go potty. What is it about outhouses that we find so fascinating? This also makes me wonder if people in the future are going to look back and be awed by our "low flow" toilets and be mesmerized with our bidets. (Side note-Cracking up...there is actually a Wikipedia entry on how to use a bidet)

There you go...a completely meaningless post for the day.

Mammoth Zucchini

2009-08-18T18:27:00.002-06:00

I have no clue how, but I managed to grow this in my really late planted garden:

Not bad for a garden that has been all but neglected and not fertilized once.

Brad Paisley Concert

2009-08-09T13:20:00.010-06:00

So, last night I went to the much anticipated Brad Paisley concert that had Jimmy Wayne and Dierks Bentley opening. Since Mike doesn't like country music and my other friends were tied up, I headed up to Noblesville by myself, and it was SO worth it.
Smart old me got to the Verizon Center early so I wouldn't have to deal with terrible parking. I ended up getting a great parking spot and was happy to chill out in my car for 45 minutes before heading up the hill.
I noticed across the parking row from me where some 20ish year old people having a tailgate patty. Not unusual...alot of people were doing it. What made this different is that the guy in the group was apparently one of those guys that thinks because he's ripped that everyone would love to see him without a shirt on. I'm sitting in the car minding my own business and texting people when this same guy comes over, knocks on my window, and asks if I want to come over and get a drink. What? I was so surprised I couldn't even come up with a good comeback. He said I looked angry or something and wanted to know if I'd join them. I explained that no, I tend to look mad when I'm deep in thought or serious, and that I was doing good where I was. He persisted and I finally convinced him to go back to his truck.

I found out when I got into the center that I had a great seat by the side stages, and few people on my row with no one on my left, so I had easy access to the stage, which proved beneficial. Jimmy Wayne opened first:

Not a huge deal for me, but at the end of the concert when all three guys sang together and he was slapping fans' hands, he started to walk off and I waved at him and he came and slapped my hand so I could let my cousin Jeana live vicariously through me and get a little joy out of the moment. :)
Dierks Bentley came on next and was great too. This is where the second funny thing of the night happened...I'm secretly laughing at half of the people at the concert...all the women and girls dressing as though they think Brad might actually see them, ditch his gorgeous wife, and take them home instead. Furthermore, the music seemed to create some sort of romantic vibe in the place causing everyone to hang on each other and get all smoochy and lovey dovey. I don't understand this. So, I'm chuckling at a couple in front of me who are all over each other, and sure enough, they turn around and ask me to take pictures of them. Maybe if I had thought harder about Brad he would have come and talked to me like Shirtless Guy and Smoochy Couple.

Finally, Brad comes out and it was GREAT!!! I got more closeups than I ever imagined would happen.

The best part, which I wasn't able to get a clip of, was when Brad come directly in front of me to do a guitar solo...super, super, super. I was definitely not one of the fans that was screaming and dancing all over the place, but I have to admit that I was shameless in running to the stage to get as close as possible to get good pics and videos.

Overall, it was a great night and worth doing it all by myself. I was amused the whole time, too, especially by people waving their beer in the air like lighters in a nighttime concert (I don't understand this either....if you're going to wave your beer around, at least wave a decent beer and not a cheap Budweiser that you paid $8.00 a glass for). A friend who had VIP seats got to stand next to someone in the bathroom line that barfed, and sure enough, she was holding a beer while doing it. Ah, welcome to Indiana....or Texas, I guess, and maybe Kentucky....hmmm, maybe just welcome to America.

"I Will Not Do....."

2009-07-31T07:18:00.005-06:00

I read an interesting blogpost on SimpleMom. The subject was about what the author "doesn't" do, rather than what she does. All this in response to the many readers who wrote and asked her how she was able to "do it all". She admitted that she doesn't do it all; she picks and chooses what is important and what brings her joy.
Which calls me to reevaluate what I 'do." In a futile attempt to be a great mom and a contemplative, well rounded, productive member of society, I try to do a ginormous list of things, with the end result being that I'm stressed and exhausted, and my performance is usually mediocre at best. I really need to take a second look at things and determine what really brings me joy and what God is calling me to do at this time in my life. Is it absolutely necessary that I pull out my old college Greek textbook to polish up on Koine? Probably not...it sounds nice, but it's going to take alot more time than I have right now. Is it really necessary for me to do the boy's scrapbooking all by hand? Not really...I don't get a ton of enjoyment out of it like alot of scrapbookers out there, the boys will probably be glad I made any attempt at all, and that's what they made Adobe Photoshop for...so I can make digital scrapbook pages 10 times faster.
Am I less of a mom if I don't grow my own vegetables and get every possible grocery savings coupon mining? Probably not...besides, my garden is barely hanging on as it is, and using just a few coupons each time I go to the store is a huge improvement from where I used to be. I vow to cut myself some slack. Having a headache everyday is not worth the little bit of enjoyment I get from trying to cram one more project or great idea into my day.
So, in honor of the SimpleMom blogpost, here is a shortlist of things that I'm going to "not do":

1.Attempt to be a Food Network caliber chef in my house everyday. Here's to simple, rotating menus.
2. I'm not Martha Stewart...it doesn't come naturally to me to make everything cutesy and from scratch. I'm not going to waste time and energy trying to make my house look like something in Better Homes and Gardens.
3. I love to garden, even though I'm not stellar at it. However, it takes alot of work to landscape a third of an acre, and with two kids, who has the time? I'm going to limit my projects in the yard to a few new flowerbeds each season and be happy with that. (Maybe I'll keep more alive that way anyhow!).
4. In my ongoing education attempts, I'm going to limit myself to reading one book at a time, instead of 5. Revisiting Greek, Arabic, and everything else I want to brush up on will have to wait.
5. I don't have to be What Not to Wear presentable every time I leave the house. (Not that I always am, but feel guilty and worried that Stacy and Clinton are waiting at the next turn to tell me how I'm horrifying the American public). Jeans and t-shirts are perfectly acceptable Mommywear.
6. I will not overload each day with so many goals and projects that I get upset and irritated when Mike can't or doesn't get to the list of things that I think he should do.

A friend of mine told me not long ago that when she was a young mom she had two goals each day: 1. Make the beds, and 2. Spend time with Jesus. She said as a result she was never disappointed with how the day went because she always met her goals. Interesting...

Maybe I will end up a boring person who doesn't do much except play with her kids, try to keep the house somewhat clean, and hang out with Jesus...but maybe I'll be a more joyful, fulfilled person.

Religulous

2009-07-24T19:20:00.002-06:00

So, as mentioned earlier on Facebook, I watched Religulous today. While I found it mildly entertaining, I mostly found it a ridiculous, lazy attempt at analyzing religion, especially in Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. Before I jump into my own thoughts, here are some reviews left by others:

"Maher has gone for easy targets. He comes up with the odd funny gag, but you get the feeling that he is as dogmatic about his doubt as the believers are about their faith."

"Maher's theories will get up the nose of believers of almost every creed, but his strategy of mocking easy targets will shake few temples worldwide."

"A refreshingly courageous and long overdue lecture that is equally enlightening, entertaining and provocative."

OK, so I'm not so much seeing how refreshingly courageous this whole satire was. I thought it was actually really lacking in courage because Maher chose to interview those more on the fringe of religious circles rather than those in mainstream religion, hence the "easy" targets. I mean come on, when he's finding churches to point fingers at he focuses on a gas station truckers chapel with about 10 attendees, a "prosperity gospel" church where the preacher preached that Jesus wore fine linen clothes and was not poor, and the Latino guy who taught his followers that he was the Second Coming Jesus Incarnate. (Who also said that if he had found out that he was Satan incarnate rather than Jesus, he would still do his best to fulfill that calling because he always gives 100%).

For Judaism he found the one Hasidic Jew that believed that the Jews didn't deserve to own the land of Israel, and for Islam he interviewed a British Muslim rapper and two Muslim homosexuals (which has got to be a rarity).

I think the documentary might have been a bit more intersting, too, if he'd actually let people speak their minds. He was always interrupting people before they could get their answers out, and then taking the little bit they were able to say out of context.

I think if I would have compared this documentary to a college research paper, this would be the paper where the student went and found all of his quotes and sources off Internet webpages and Wikipedia rather than do the work and come up with true primary sources.

However, in the end, it did give me a deeper glimpse of how some religious groups can appear to the rest of the world, and how Christianity in particular can appear when we fail to reflect the true Jesus.

God's Splash Zone

2009-07-15T07:00:00.004-06:00

I was reading Pslam 23 today during my attempted daily Psalms reading, and I read it differently than I have before. This is one of those portions of Scripture that becomes so common and familiar that I tend to pass over it, kind of like John 3:16, and I miss the depth of what is being said.

I always want to try to make a difference in people's lives, help make the world a little more just with a little less suffering. But who am I, one little person amidst millions and millions across the world who are struggling. My first instincts are to "do" and I try to find that one vocation or project that will help me be successful in my endeavor.

Reading the end of Psalm 23 made it all so clear once again that making a difference and being a follower of Jesus are not about "doing" but are first and foremost about relationship. This is what I see:
"God has anointed my head with oil" meaning that I have been chosen by him. So many references in the Old and New Testaments in regards to anointing make this super meaningful. I, and whoever is chosen by God, are delighted in by him.
"My cup spills over" This made me think of the passage in the New Testament where Paul describes followers of Jesus being clay jars filled with treasure. We can become cracked and and are frail, but we are the perfect containers to carry God's treasures because it shows that it is definitely not about us since we are so weak and easily broken. When we really enter into relationship with God, he likes to pour himself on to us so much that we can't contain it all, and so the excess of what we receive from him automatically spills over. (And to reference Hemingway, even though we are broken and hurting people with life wounds, this filling from God and his healing in us makes us "strong at the broken places."
"Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life." I used to think this phrase meant that the love and goodness of God will follow me (but doesn't God lead us, not follow?). Rereading it today it seems that rather what is being said is that because of my relationship with God, I will leave a trail of love and goodness behind me, no matter what path I take in life, because God is spilling over from me, a perpetual "splash zone of God", if you will. This is where a difference in people's lives and the world will be made...not necessarily in what I am consciously doing for God, but rather what I am unconsciously sharing with others because of my relationship with God. This takes off all the pressure of trying to "fix" things myself.
So here's the conclusion I've reached: it is obviously important to do the things God has asked us to in life, like seek justice and offer mercy. But really everything will naturally flow from us if we maintain a deep, intimate relationship with Jesus. People who are in our "splash zone" will inevitably be blessed by God.

Really Bad Decision Tonight

2009-07-12T20:23:00.001-06:00

My complaint to the Food Network from tonight's show....I felt compelled to send an email.

My husband and I just finished watching The Next Food Network Star. We are huge fans of the show and can't wait every week to see it. However, I must say we were both very disappointed with the judging this week. (July 12). Most every week we really respect the decisions made, but this week we felt that blatant lying and the lack of integrity was rewarded. Debbie may have prepared better tasting food, but Michael deserved to stay over her. While his food may not have been as good at the cocktail party and he may genuinely may not be the next food network star, he has been authentic throughout the show and has not tried to be someone he is not or misrepresent himself. Tonight was the second time that Debbie has either misled (first episode going over budget) or flat out lied (this episode, saying she prepared dishes that she did not).
We are really disappointed that Bob, Bobby, Susie, and Ted chose to reward this kind of behavior just because her cooking might have been better, especially after Debbie herself jumped on Teddy for being dishonest. Please keep in mind in the future the audiences who are watching this show. Does the Food Network really want to condone dishonest behavior as a means to achieving a goal?

Graham Ethan

2009-07-12T15:47:00.002-06:00

The Web as Warfare

2009-07-11T18:23:00.003-06:00

I find it really interesting how the Internet has become an avenue of warfare and protest organization in and between countries. During the last few weeks, Facebook was huge in networking Iranians together who wanted to protest against the supposed rigged election of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Protests were organized through people contacting each other through their friend lists and pages were constructed to get out information.

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=115210055140

Then since July 4, both the US and South Korea have had websites attacked by a cyber worm, causing more damage than the infiltration of loads of spam. Apparently North Korea is a suspect.
I guess it could be viewed as another more subtle form of guerilla tactics. Through the use of the Internet, a lot of damage could be caused, and it could take a while to determine the culprit. Interesting,too, how much warfare has changed over the past few centuries. We moved from fighting each other face to face in a "gentleman's war" like the Revolutionary war into battles where we don't necessarily see our targets.
Am wondering to what other things the Web will take us in the future.

Xander Goes to the Dairy Farm

2009-07-08T11:17:00.004-06:00

Grocery Store Information Vomit

2009-06-29T19:34:00.002-06:00

I seem to have a knack for going to the grocery store and getting into random conversations with complete strangers. Rather, it's complete strangers feeling the freedom and necessity to spill their life story to me.
It happened again today when I ran into Kroger with Graham to grab three things I needed for dinner. I'm minding my own business going through the Self-Checkout lane and the checkout attendee comes up in case I need any assistance keying in my produce codes, and she starts chattering away about Graham, his hair color, and how cute he is.
I of course, am polite, and respond while at the same time trying to concentrate and correctly enter my pin number to pay. I figure she'll go on about her work, but she launches into a basically one person conversation as follows:

Attendant: Wow, he's got really pretty hair, I bet he got the red color from you.
Me: Probably, don't know if he'll stay this way. My other son is a towhead.
Attendant: Oh, my youngest is blond too, but she was born a red head and then it turned blond. But right now it's got alot of green and purple in it.
Me: (Trying to stay engaged while ringing up my purchases).
Attendant: She's on the swim team and those pools just really turn her hair colors.
Me: Have you tried the special chlorine shampoo?
Attendant: Oh, yeah, I went and got some the other day. JCPenney is having a big sale on that shampoo so I stocked up on it. The hairstylist said it should help. My other daughter doesn't have as much problem with the chlorine. She's on the swim team, too, but her hair is more brownish red, so she doesn't seem to get too much green or purple.
Me: Well, that's good.
Attendant: I need to get some Listerine.
Me: (whoa, her train of thought just jumped tracks)
Attendant: So and so told me that Listerine is great for outside at night during the summer. It keeps mosquitos and what not away.
Me: Really? That's interesting. (Trying to get my stuff bagged and get my receipt without jostling Graham too much in the baby carrier).
Attendant: Oh, yeah, and I think it's better to use a mosquito repellant that you can put in your mouth.
Me: (huh?) Oh, yeah, I guess that's safer than something like OFF.
Attendant: Yeah, if it can go in your mouth it's got to be safer for you than some of those other chemicals.
Me: (finishing bagging, trying to pick up all my bags).
Attendant: I like the cinnamon flavor.
Me: Yeah?
Attendant: I don't use Listerine, but I like the smell of it, especially for mosquito repellant.
Attendant: Those mosquitos are really bad around the pool and hot tub. Our friends have both a hot tub and pool for their daughter. She's got juvenile arthritis or something like that.
Me: Oh, that's a shame.
Attendant: Yeah, the pool and what not seem to help her alot...she cries alot because of the pain.
Me: (Trying to keep Graham from crying and making it out of the store with all my stuff) I'm sorry to hear that...OK, well , you have a nice day.
Attendant: You have a nice day too.
Me: (Loading up the car and wondering if that lady talked to every customer in the store the same way.)

Talk about alot of information given in the span of about 2 minutes. This was about as humorous as the lady in Meijer who told me all about rushing home to feed one of her family members through his feeding tube because his children were no good slackers who wouldn't take care of him....

Does this mean I appear a super approachable person? :)

A "Front Porch" Gospel

2009-06-04T07:52:00.002-06:00

I'm thrilled to death these days because I find that I can hear God speaking to me from a zillion different directions. It's both super helpful and encouraging, and I'm reminded once again that God is a God that pursues and he contextualizes to one's own personal needs.
And speaking of contexualization, I finally got some clarity to a Scripture on Sunday that has made me feel guilty and rather lazy most of my life.

1 Peter 3:15 (New International Version)

15But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have.

Every time I have heard this verse spoken on, it was in relation to having the Roman Road or some other evangelism step by step tool memorized...or it was in reference to have deep theological answers for rebuttal in arguments. Unfortunately for me, my memory can be lacking and if someone asked me for the hope I had and needed citations for every verse I quipped, I would be in quite a mess.

I now have a new way to understand this passage. We need to answer the questions that people are asking, not the ones that they aren't asking. As our pastor mentioned, we way too often in an attempt to shovel people through heaven's door, we ask them questions like "If you died tonight, do you know where you'd spend eternity?" To which they are thinking, "What, I'm not asking that? I don't want to think that way...I don't want to die!" And they tend to get away from us as quickly as possible.

The question that it seems the average person is much more likely to ask is: "What has this Jesus guy done for you?" They don't want to hear our mumbo jumbo about propitiation and substitutionary atonement and such, they want to know what help it is to have Jesus in one's life on a daily basis, and how following after Jesus will help improve their lives.

This is the kind of question I can answer, and I can do it hopefully without sounding like an idiot. I can point to countless times where God has saved me from near misses, how he has helped heal hurts from my past, how he is giving me life after suffering through terrible depression and anxiety, and I can talk about being hopeful again.

This is what my pastor termed a front porch gospel....the kind of good news you sit down with a friend over iced tea or coffee and share...not because you're trying to help them get a foot into heaven, but because you want to develop real relationship with them and show them what life was meant to be and what it can be for them.

I think it's kind of like the guy who Jesus healed from blindness. The guy was interrogated about Jesus and what he was doing. The guy responds (paraprhased): "I don't know who this Jesus guy is, but this I know: I used to be blind, but now I can see, and that's all that matters to me."

This is the kind of gospel I think that will reach people and that is genuine and authentic in their eyes. This is the kind of gospel that I won't botch up trying to remember and get in the correct order.

"I don't know as much about this Jesus guy as I should or want to, but this much I know: I once was lost in despair and hopelessness, but now I am convinced that I am loved deeply and have every assurance and hope that God is in control and will make things right."

Through Suffering

2009-05-26T19:12:00.002-06:00

I heard an interesting theory the other day, I think from a sermon I was listening to online. The idea: the large majority of mental illness in people is caused by their unwillingness to go through suffering and consequently the avoidance of their problems. A large factor in avoiding problems is fear.
The more I thought on this the more it made sense to me. Depression often results as seeing things as hopeless and we suffering from it tend to retreat into ourselves and give up rather than facing things head on and persevering through them. Anxiety often comes from not being able to control things in life and we let fear of the uncontrollable paralyze us.
God seems to be saying that instead of avoiding suffering and unpleasant things that come our way, we should strive headfirst into them, not alone, but with him. Somewhere in the midst of going through pain with God by us, there is life. And according to alot of people who are better followers of Jesus than I am, this life that comes from walking next to God far outweighs any of the pain and suffering itself.
So, basically, by running from suffering and trying to avoid it, we're self sabotaging ourselves and making things worse...creating more "bad" suffering for ourselves in the end, rather than "good" suffering that is redemptive and allows us to truly experience relationship with God.
Something to think about, anyway.

Imbalance

2009-04-01T05:35:00.002-06:00

It strikes me as strangely humorous and extremely sad at the same time this morning as I sit at my desk watching the sun come up: yesterday a boat of African refugees capsized off the coast of Italy with 200 presumed drowned and a dead woman found clutching her dead infant to her chest, and I'm trying to decide whether or not it is a justifiable expense to purchase pet insurance for my dog.
I'm trying to decide if I should grill tuna steaks for dinner and meanwhile people in Zimbabwe are scrounging for food.
I gripe and complain about how bad I feel during the last few weeks of pregnancy and I've got life easy.
God when will you come and make everything right? And in the meantime how I do I adjust the way I approach life to compensate for imbalance and injustice?

What Are We All in Such a Big Hurry About?

2009-03-18T13:18:00.003-06:00

I haven't blogged in a while, and unfortunately, my return to the blog world is with a gripe, a pet peeve, the cause of any chagrin I might have each day.

Drivers...in particular the Indiana sort. (I guess it depends on where I live because it used to be the Colorado brand).

I'm so sick of driving down the freeway or even my neighborhood streets and having people tailgate me. I'm usually go the speed limit, but this always seems to occur even when I drive faster. What gives? Someone behind me always wants to go even faster!

I get particularly annoyed when people try to force on me the suggestion of right turns on red lights. If I recall from the Drivers Safety Handbook, there is no mention of mandatory right hand turns when the light is red. My memory states that a right turn can be made if it is safe to do so. Apparently people behind me always seem to know when it is safe to turn before I do and they get irritated and impatient when I intend to make absolute sure that I'm aware of everything going on in the intersection before I head out. I have a two year old in my backseat for heaven's sake, and I believe it is my perogative whether or not I turn. Yesterday I had someone sit and honk at me over three times while I was sitting at a busy intersection because they felt I needed to make a right on red. I fully intended to once I knew that people from the perpendicular traffic side were going to have a left only signal and I wouldn't risk pulling out in front of any traffic that was about to proceed in my direction. But because of the person's incessant honking, I have to admit that I hesitated even longer because I was ticked off at him. Of course,as soon as I turned, he turned, whipped around me and sped off, clearly breaking the speed limit. To which I say, Geez, if you're late to work it's not my fault....get up earlier and stop putting other people at risk because of your driving.

And my latest huge gripe....a motorcyclist riding through my neighorhood the other evening while parents and children were out playing and walking their dogs and stroller. He comes tearing down the street, apparently thinking he was super cool with his loud pipes, and speeds right past Mike and me pushinig Xander in his stroller, while revving his engine. I guess he was trying to impress the girl he was about to pick up a few houses in front of us. While pulling over to her side of the curb he nearly succeeded in driving head first into an SUV approaching from the other direction. I was prepared to give him what for but was interuppted by his girlfriend coming from the house and climbing on his bike.

However, I did feel some sense of vindication a few minutes later when he and his girl were about to pass us again on the street with same speed and annoying engine revving that he didn't seem to mind if he scared Xander with. I just headed out into the middle of the neighborhood street and proceeded to walk down it. He had to slow down to go around me, but at least it slowed him down for a minute and his engine was kept to a minimum. They wouldn't even look at us when they passed.

All this to say...everyone seems to be in a ginormous hurry on the roads these days, and I'm really tired of it. Mainly I'm tired of everyone thoughtlessly putting my family and other families in danger because of their own poor choices. The most irritating thing about it all is that I can sit on a blog and gripe about it, but in the end, there's nothing I can really do about it. Except I do think that if I was a cop, I wouldn't have a hard time meeting my end of the month traffic ticket quotas, because I would know exactly where in my community to park my car and have a field day.

Time Flies

2009-01-24T06:15:00.003-07:00

I'm having a surreal moment right now. I just found out that a younger friend of mine is getting married. Which blows me away...and shouldn't, because she's clearly old enough to get married. But I have stuck in my head a 13 year old with a few smatterings of memories of her as a 15 year old. Then I realize how long it's been since I've seen her in person and that she is actually now over 18.
Am also reminding self that I'm only a year away from 30. How did that happen? Somehow in the past five years I got married, moved multiple times, had a child and am expecting another, and the rest of the world didn't sit still while I did all that.
The flip side of this is that not only have my younger friends suddenly grown up, but I am now realizing that my third grade teacher could possibly have passed away or be really old, and my second grade teacher has got to be in her 70's. That's really hard to wrap my head around.

Cruel, cruel grocery stores...

2009-01-18T15:26:00.003-07:00

You know, I think it is cruel and unusual punishment for every grocery store to put their bakery sections smack dab in the front of the store. One can't even make it to the healthy food without being bowled over by the smell of fresh donuts, sourdough bread, and the pleasing sight of red velvet cake. Mean people. Don't they know it's harder on us pregnant people who have insane, raging cravings that are even more difficult to resist than normal. Victory today was a sheer force of will.

If you need a deep thought for the day....

2009-01-10T07:03:00.003-07:00

So, the other day I was reading a report at work released on topic that concerns over half of Americans today. I was aggravated because there was a huge effort to seemingly gloss over our individual responsibilities as human beings and the problem was blamed on social and environmental circumstances and human biology, not our general lack of self control as Westerners. I discussed this with a friend and got a very interesting, and much deeper response than I expected back from her. Very insightful, I thought, though I had to read the reply twice to understand what she was saying.

I wonder if the basis of these sorts of beliefs/studies resides in our very unique melting pot history. So, we have all sorts of races, ethnicities and religions groups who showered into the US. We bucked against overt racism in fighting slavery, then all the little disputes over Irish/Italian/Mexican etc, but overall had to come to some sort of consensus that enabled us all to live together. So, we began to be come acceptant of diversity, and then to embrace it (which one must argue is a positive movement). Then we became acceptant of other stuff (the 60’s being an age of the clash of acceptance and traditional beliefs). Then in the way of humans we didn’t find balance, we gravitated towards an extreme of accepting pretty much everything. We (we, being secular America) accepted interracial marriage, integration in .schools, homosexuality and all sorts of other stuff (I put in both positive and negative changes). But the way in which we accept is to justify, explain and take the fault away from the possessor of whatever distinguishes them—that way we can “love the person, hate the sin.” We then, began to see how external circumstances, sociological perspectives, economic class and all sorts of other factors would explain away our distaste, disgust, or just plain misunderstanding allowing us to strip away the behavior/attribute in question and leave us only with a person who despite their innate goodness, was overwhelmed by circumstances and outside forces. While in some instances such understandings are helpful and profound, in some cases, as demonstrated below, it is simply ludicrous.

Victory at the BMV

2008-12-31T17:38:00.002-07:00

So, today came that long dreaded day where I had to journey to our local license branch to get an Indiana drivers license. Not that I mind being more legally attached to Indiana, it's the process that is daunting to me.

I hate the long lines and what's up with having to retake the written test, as if driving rules really change that much from state to state. But the absolute yucky part of the license branch experience is the VISION TEST.

Most people who know me have noticed that I have a funky eye problem called nystagmus. Basically my eyes jiggle all over the place and move back and forth, and this is at it's worst when I'm tired, upset, sad, or in trouble with my mom. The big picture doesn't change, but getting my eyes to stay still to focus on tiny objects close together is increasingly difficult, and is a nightmare when I reach the ultimate stress zone of the BMV. The really frustrating thing is that my vision is good enough to pass the tests, courtesy of evidence provided by every opthamalogist I have every been a patient of. It's just my crazy, wonky eyes betray me every time with their incessant wiggling.

Today I came prepared with a vision form filled out by my doctor in case I experienced the ultimate humiliation of failing the eye test like I did in Colorado. (There was a reason I waited two whole years to get my license in Denver...). But, in the end, although it was a bit touch and go, I conquered that blasted vision reading and now have a beautiful plastic, pink accented Indiana drivers license. No, pink was not my choice...apparently the lawmakers of Indiana decided that pink was a fitting license color. Go figure.

Prepare to Laugh Your Head Off

2008-12-09T18:32:00.003-07:00

If you're anything like me, you'll find this article by the BBC more than amusing. It's so serious that it cracks me up.

"Kiss of Deaf"

A young Chinese woman was left partially deaf following a passionate kiss from her boyfriend.

The 20-something from Zhuhai in Guangdong province arrived at hospital having completely lost the hearing in her left ear, said local reports.

The incident prompted a series of articles in the local media warning of the dangers of excessive kissing.

"While kissing is normally very safe, doctors advise people to proceed with caution," wrote the China Daily.

The doctor who treated the girl in hospital was quoted in the paper explaining what had happened.

"The kiss reduced the pressure in the mouth, pulled the eardrum out and caused the breakdown of the ear."

The chorus of warnings was echoed by the Shanghai Daily, which wrote: "A strong kiss may cause an imbalance in the air pressure between two inner ears and lead to a broken ear drum."

The young woman is expected to regain her full hearing within about two months.
-BBC World News

Delighted Once Again

2008-12-03T10:14:00.003-07:00

I'm am delighted with my son almost all the time. "Yes, we know" you are all saying. I'm sure everyone who reads my blog occasionally knows that I think Xander is the greatest thing that ever came along. But allow me a delighted brag once more.
I was giving Xander a bath last night and he was happily playing with his toys. Then he did something again that caught me off guard, reminding me once more how much he watches me do stuff around the house. I had an empty bottle of shampoo that he was playing with, and he began to take the bottle, try to squirt water from it onto the edge of the tub, and then he found a flat plastic rubbery toy and being scrubbing the edge of the tub with it. After scrubbing a while, he would "pour more soap" from the shampoo bottle, and scrub again. It was so adorable, and much needed. The tub had little grimy handprints on it from him that day.
Letting us be parents was the one of the greatest ideas God ever came up with.

We're Having a Boy

2008-12-01T17:31:00.002-07:00

We went in today and had an ultrasound and found out...we're having another boy!!! Which thrilled Mike to no end and now he truly believes that he can only produce boys. The baby looked healthy and was pretty cute in the ultrasound pictures. We took Xander and went out to celebrate over dinner at Uno's. Mike had a Newcastle, but since Xan and I can't drink alcohol right now for obvious reasons, we headed off to an oasis of taste bud delights after we dropped Mike off at the airport - Dunkin' Donuts! I'm pretty happy to be able to enjoy donuts these days without having to drive long distances for them. Colorado was so health conscious that I just never could seem to find donut shops very easily. Maybe that had something to do with how practically everyone I knew had like 15% body fat. Ah, but now I'm back in a land where people appreciate donuts, and fried food, and carbs.

Toll House and Dryer Sheets = Peace

2008-11-29T18:42:00.002-07:00

Today was one of those great days of not doing a whole lot except for relaxing. Despite the fact that I was yucky sick this morning and have a terrible cold, I got to take a great nap, and hang out with Mike and Xander.

Xander and I went out to run some errands this evening, and we needed some more milk. As we were shopping we asked ourselves: "Selves, what is the best thing to go with fresh milk?" Of course, the answer we got was "Chocolate Chip Cookies!". So, Xander and I indulged in some late evening Toll House. But hey, it's still technically Thanksgiving, so the calories don't count.

Unloading the car of groceries after we got home was one of those nice peaceful times where it seemed that even if there was alot of crazy stuff going on in the world, at least for that moment, all was well on our cul-de-sac. The air smelled like Downy dryer sheets from someone doing laundry, and there was the crisp, fresh chill that comes before snow.

Other than wanting to feel better, it was a really good day, and I'm always amazed at how God has blessed me with such an incredible family and a good safe place to live.

A Couple of Things I Find Ironic

2008-11-25T18:18:00.003-07:00

1. How is it that my husband doesn't notice when the garbage is full and overflowing, or that there is dog hair everywhere, but he can find one tiny imperfection on a wall that's been painted and it can drive him absolutely nuts even though no one else has seen it or will ever see it?

2. Everyone these days is so concerned about "going green", recycling, driving hybrid cars, etc. to save the planet for our posterity, but we don't seem all that interested in saving the people that currently live on Earth. If we were, it seems to me there would be quite a few less starving people and fewer humanitarian rights violations. It appears kind of backwards to me: we likely won't be here to see the results of all of our environmental awareness, but we could see lives changed in our lifetimes if we would take the time to stop being so self-absorbed. And yet, I'm as guilty as anyone else of this.

A Few Thoughts on Our Economy

2008-11-12T19:08:00.005-07:00

I'm an avid listener of NPR, much to my husband's chagrin. Whether or not it's feeding liberal propaganda into my mind, it helps me keep up with the goings on in our country, along with CNN.com and BBC.com I'm never around to watch the evening news, so the radio on the way to and from work is my best friend, and the Internet fills in any gaps.
So, obviously, since I listen to NPR, I hear alot about the housing crisis and bailout packages and our dismal economy lately. Alot of what I hear concerns me, and alot of it doesn't surprise me at all. It's hard not to be a little worried about what lies ahead in the not so distant future for our country.
I have a few thoughts on all of this that I try to keep in the relative forefront of my mind:

1. Things may be bad for alot of people in the U.S. right now, but I often refer back to a statement that former Secretary General of the UN Kofi Anon said the other day - that 10,000 children die everyday in the world from starvation.

2. Families in the U.S. that have a combined household income of $50,000 are in the top 1% of the wealthiest people in the world.

3. The crisis taking place in Zimbabwe right now is going from bad to worse, and aid supplies are running out. Unless thing change for the better, weather and government wise, 1 million people in the country could potentially starve to death within the next year. That's equivalent to 1/3 of the population of the U.S.

4. And, finally, as Dave Smelzer preached in Boston a few Sundays back, the current economic crisis is not something that we as Christians should fret about. Yes, it is a big storm, but as seen in the gospels, Jesus isn't too terribly concerned about storms and can sleep rather well in the midst of them. We may not be spared from the ripple effects of others' or our own bad financial decisions and our living means may change, and we may be stressed and tested, but Jesus has promised to stand beside us through it all. We are still blessed beyond measure, and our lives are still tremendously easier than in so much of the world. Followers of Jesus in the U.S. aren't typically burned alive by Hindus like is happening in India. We aren't typically gunned down as we walk to work where we help those less fortunate than ourselves. We don't have to quietly call on the name of Jesus for help, but can cry out at the top of our lungs from street corners if we desire.

All that to say, I think we need to be careful to keep everything in perspective. I seem to get frazzled and worried until I pull my head out of the sand and take a look at the rest of the world, and what our brothers and sisters in Christ are suffering, a long with all of those who don't know Jesus.

Xander at Cracker Barrel In Rhode Island

2008-11-03T13:30:00.001-07:00

Xander at the Apple Orchard in New Hampshire

2008-11-03T13:27:00.003-07:00

Jemima Has No Idea I've Come to Boston

2008-11-03T13:22:00.001-07:00

Oct Trip to Boston 134, originally uploaded by jemimaking.

Here is the video of Jemima when she and Jennifer come to the airport in Providence where I"m waiting. Jemima has no clue. Notice the Jemima specific surprise characteristics, such as hand flapping and feet stomping. :)
She about gave a lady behind her a heart attack.

Flickr

2008-11-03T13:18:00.001-07:00

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

A Weekend in Boston

2008-10-29T12:12:00.013-06:00

I went to Boston this last weekend to surprise Jemima with the help of her sister, Jennifer. It was so much fun. In a few days I'll have videos and more pics, especially of Jemima's surprise, but for now, here are some pics of me and Xan hanging out with them. The pics here are when we went to a New Hampshire apple orchard and picked apples. Xander had a Blast!

Tulipoop

2008-10-22T17:03:00.003-06:00

Xander keeps getting more helpful everyday. He's figured out on his own how to throw his trash away, he tries to wipe down the floor and the dog with a washrag for me, he attempts to unload everything from the dishwasher, including the silverware tray, and he's figuring out all of the buttons on the dryer. It amazes me how much he has picked up by watching me just doing everyday chores.

Today he helped me plant tulips in the backyard. I had to dig up a spot around a maple tree that we were going to plant them under, then put in a brick border and and fill it with potting soil. When I started putting the tulip bulbs in the dirt, Xan decided to help and proceeded to get bulbs out of the bag and drop them on the dirt for me and then hand them to me. He gets so excited by little things like that, and it's so cute.

He also tried to help pick up dog poop from the yard which wasn't so cute, but I figure I'll take what I can get. Maybe it'll be conditioning for when he's older and I tell him to go pick up the yard. :)

Xan the Man

2008-10-17T10:46:00.001-06:00

Fall and the Pumpkin Patch

2008-10-15T18:19:00.003-06:00

I love this time of year...it makes me so happy. And Indiana in the fall is gorgeous! All of the leaves are changing colors and the landscape is a smattering of red, yellow, orange, and green, with the occasional brilliant burgandy.
We took Xander this weekend out the a pumpkin farm and pulled him around in his wagon while we picked out the pumpkins we wanted. He got so excited when we stacked the pumpkins in next to him, and rode along proudly with a big silly grin on his face. Then we went to the farm's store and got fresh apple cider and caramel apples, and Xander did a first for me in public.

He grabbed a glass jar of apple butter and dropped it before I could catch it. And of course, it broke. But the people were really nice and wouldn't let me pay for it.

I guess Xander decided that wasn't enough excitement for the day so he decided to give me a near heart attack. Mike was handing him pieces of pumpkin loaf to eat, and while they were enjoying it, I hopped up from our picnic table to throw away my trash. I turned around and was walking back and Mike had sat Xan down on the ground to walk around. What Mike didn't realize was that as Xan was walking to me he swallowed too big of a piece of bread and was choking and starting to turn purple. I tried not to freak and squatted down and whacked his back, and after a couple of times he seemed to have gotten the bread free from his throat. But darned if he didn't turn around and swallow the whole piece again without chewing, and started choking again. So, after another half a minute of panic and a few back whacks, he was again OK.

Xander eats too much at one time all the time and seems to have minor choking spells pretty frequently, but this was the worst, and I about started bawling after it all.
All I can say now, is "Thank you Lord for the gag reflex!"

Xander's Steps to Successful Potty Training

2008-10-03T17:04:00.006-06:00

Step #1 Get introduced with your new potty. It is a friend, not an enemy.

Step #2 Familiarize yourself with all components and aspects of your potty.

Step #3 Have fun and enjoy this new experience!

Step #4 Once acquainted, carefully extricate yourself from your potty.

More Success Steps to Come!!

It's Not Really So Funny

2008-09-29T19:58:00.003-06:00

Mike and I were running errands yesterday and I was listening to a sermon on the radio given by Ravi Zacharias. I missed most of it, but heard a few sentences that I thought were right on target with this world.

As said by Ravi (my paraphrase): "The problem with 20th century (or 21st century) man is that he has forgotten what to laugh about, and he has forgotten what to weep about. What we laugh about is vitally important. What we weep about is vitally important."

I think this is a pretty profound idea....it actually hit pretty close to home with me, I admit a bit sheepishly and shamefaced. Our culture is trained to laugh at vulgarity, not at what is beautiful and eternal. We cry over things that are petty and will fade away like the wind. We forget to weep over the suffering and downtrodden in the world, and laugh instead at stupid, meaningless things that amuse us.

Ravi's talk made me think of my own self and what makes me laugh. Why is it that I think jokes in so many stupid movies are amusing? Why is it that sometimes witty profanity strikes me as funny?

It's a bit of a wake up call that I have a ways to go in "be transformed by the renewing of your mind."

Children are always a gft

2008-09-17T15:11:00.002-06:00

Since first announcing to the world that Mike and I were pregnant with Xander, I have been encountering a response that has generally annoys and saddens me. I probably heard it before Xander came along, but I don't think I paid as much attention. My gripe is how people say congratulations on having a child, and then wish you luck that you'll have an easy child, often citing anecdotes of undesired experiences they've had with their own children. If in fact, your child ends up being relatively easy, they are quick to reply that you shouldn't expect that for your second child...you're prone to get the opposite, possibly a much more difficult, unruly child.
And it seems that more and more, rather than hearing people praise their children (unless it makes the parents look good), they instead complain about their kids' shortcomings, failures, and the parents' general expectations for a bleak time approaching with adolescence. I actually know a couple of people, who when I ask how their kids are doing, really seem to struggle to find anything positive to say. Which I find bizarre because the kids aren't on drugs or in prison that I know of...they're typical kids.
I often wonder how many kids would feel f they heard some of the things their parents said about them in public to others. I think they would be really hurt. Something that comes across to me as I listen is a lack of respect from many of these parents toward their kids. Otherwise, how could they say what they say, or are they just speaking before thinking?
I doubt seriously that I will ever be "super-parent" but I have committed to be very careful what I say about my children, especially to others. I want them to know that I think they're incredible and that I love them even if they make mistakes along the way. And I want to believe in them the way God believes in us. We sure don't have much going for us, but He always speaks well of us, and even when he points out our sin, he is encouraging.
So, who cares if our next child is spirited or "unruly"? I choose to believe that God planned their personalty and has great plans for them, and that with his help and a little good parenting, they'll become the people He intends them to be.